"i am colossal tom crooze, i have time traveled from the future with some advice for you chris"

Chris and Tom FAPPINGTON started tongue kissing trough the phone.

"O. Lurrelurrelurrelurre" Chris said.

>>104827
chris suddenly became sceptical of being trolled, and hung up the phone. magi-chan sonichu entered the room together with tom crooze... suddenly magi-chan sonichu said....

JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!XDDD SO RANDUM

>>104816

>>104829
suddenly chris became confused as to why magi-chan sonichu would say such a thing. colossal tom crooze started laughing, and revealed that magi-chan was actually clyde cash, who was wearing a costume.

things were looking bad now, as colossal tom crooze and clyde cash were standing before chris, in his bedroom.

all is not lost however, chris suddenly came up with what he thought to be a cunning plan...

>>104836

which was to show his fangs in a youtube video

>>104838
But as Chris was setting up his Playstation Eye, Colossal Tom C­ruise whipped out his 4 foot long cock and

danced the macarena

Chris was frightened by such a display. He ran into his living room and tripped on a pile of clutter. He turned around, to his horror, to see Clyde Cash bearing upon him with a menacing grin.

Clyde Cash then fondled Chris' perky breasts and fed him a snickers bar.

>>104848
With a lustful glint in his eye, Clyde said "Your love quest is finally over..." and then he undid his zipper...

>>104850
and a skeleton pooped out

in all the commotion, colossal tom crooze ran outside and grabbed a shovel...

>>104852
and a skeleton popped out

>>104853
colossal tom crooze, tired from all the digging had used up all his power, and he transformed back to himself (in les grossman form) and finally finished digging, he stood there, in his hands was a corpse....

>>104857
And then the corpse came back to life and laughed jovially and pranced about hnnnng

>>104857

"Chris!" He screamed triumphantly from his position in his backyard.

While Clyde was distraction by the cry, Chris sweep-kicked his legs out. He stood over Clyde Cash and smiled, "It looks like you're the one who's in trouble now."

Chris let out a high pitched cry as energy began to flow through him. He began to transform into his super powered mode. He smirked at Clyde Cash and stood with his hands on his hips, as his blue skin glowed with an ethereal energy.

Clyde braced himself for the impending fight.

>>104862
恋の抑止力
ほらゲームが始まる
見つめ合えばわかるでしょ？
はじまりのベルが鳴る

chris chan had transformed into chris chan sonichu... lets do this he shouted

>>104864
Body smeared with blue crayola paint, Chris hurled his semi-nude body at Clyde. Entwined like lovers, they grappled on the floor for the better part of a half an hour. Clyde stood across Chris's broken and bent form, ready to deliver the killing blow, when the door opened.

"Get off. Before I GO off."

>>104933
Standing behind Clyde was Bob in full battle gear, his axe glistening with the blood of slain faggots.

Knowing when to fold 'em, Clyde opened a portal to 4-cent-garbage.com and fled.

With the guido out of the picture, Bob directed his gaze at his unconscious son. Filled with shame and rage, he lifted his axe and did the unspeakable.

>>104938
Bob fell over, recovering from the explosive bowel movement which soiled his briefs. His body was failing in his deteriorating health and a recent anal fissure had caused him to become septic.

Clyde proclaimed victory over Chris, smirking his million dollar smirk and said...

And, though the night continued, Bob would lay on the ground forgotten. He would die by morning, his memories lost in time. Like cum in Fanta.

"Fuck you nigga! Grove Street for life!" and Clyde walked out the door.

Chris awoke several hours later, his body battered and bruised, Clyde nowhere to be found, and he wept as he could only help but admire the latest in a lifelong series of failures.

"I wish Sonichu was here!" thought Chris as he wiped the tears and crusty macdonalds from his eyes.

"I'm right here, Father" Sonichu said. Instead of surprise, as any normal human-being would have at the sight of a fictional cartoon character talking to them, Chris smiled, for he now knew all was right in the world.

"Who did this to you?" Sonichu asked Chris, with tears welling in his large, cartoonish eyes.

As Chris comes to his senses, he realizes, he's no longer in Ruckersville, but he's now in CWCville, specifically, in Fa-Square in the Sho-Mall region of CWC ville. Hardly a place to be in this battered state.

Chris, beaten and bruised, says to Sonichu "It was dat dang fil.. filt... dirty troll Clyde Cash. Dat bastard did dis."

>>104951

[I like where this is going.]

>>104951
Chris's breath took on a rasping tone. "Sonichu...I'll always...love..."

"Tell me, father." Sonichu's vision blurred, then reset. So many tears waiting to fall, but he dared not to weep in front of his father; not at this moment, the one he had waited so long for. Chris reached out and squeezed Sonichu's hand in a firm grip.

Chris couldn't finish the words; Sonichu would think he was a homo. He sighed. "Go out," Christian Christopher Weston Chandler (Spanish name Ricardo) finally gasped. "You go out...and zap to the extreme."

He let go of Sonichu's hand and crashed into a heavy slumber. A heavy odor filled Sonichu's nostrils

Sonichu turned to Rosechu, who bore mute witness to the whole scene. "Get me the Chaotic Combo,"
he said, rising.

"Where are you going, sweetbolt?"

"I have to go to work."

>>104977

Sonichu dashes out and gets a special potion from the CWCville mall and gives it to Chris.

Chris immediately gets up all fine.

>>104994
Sonichu smiles as Chris gets back up on his feet, "I'm so glad you're back! We'll show that Clyde Cash not to mess with us!" Sonichu carried is father home to their house and laid him on the couch to rest. Robbie ran around like a faggot making noise at which point Sonichu yelled "ROBBIE SHUT THE FUCK UP" as he was frustrated from the days events. He decided to look into the troll known as Clyde Cash and did some backtracing. He eventually wound up at a place called 789chan.org/cwc/. After making this discovery, he...

>>104997
called up the chaotic combo and went to the 7.89_dollar_garbage building to go talk to the evil seanieb

>>104999
Standing before the doors to the building, about 300 of the person army stood with their dicks out, readying for their lolcow god to enter their domain.
With a battle cry of JUUULLLAAAAY the 300 /cwc/ers began to furiously beat off as Sonichu slowly approached the doors.

Except you know, it's just one samefag so it wasn't that neat.

>>105009

"Sagechu" Chris said landing a hand on Sagechu's shoulder; "I'm making you my general"

>>105010
but then sagechu was instantly vaporized and chris forgot about it a second later. meanwhile as sonichu and the chaotic combo fight the army of spurgs...

>>105017

Chris was sprayed down by the /cwc/ers semen and as he lay on the ground a chihuahua face-sat him and began forcibly shitting in his mouth. As cum drenches his already filthy clothes and literal dog shit was forced down his throat, he became deeply aroused and began masturbating furiously while slurping away at the dog's anus.

>>105023
as the chaos unfolds, the PVCC watch from a zeppelin approximately 5000 feet above the ground

>>105025
It is at that point that the PVCC blimp transforms into a giant battle robot.

>>105026
Arriving at the scene, the PVCC battle robot begins to stomp on everyone, killing a number of /cwc/ users, chris, identifying the PVCC as a enemy and not an ally, pushes aside the chihuahua from his face, stands up and brushes off his clothes and calls for son-chu, in a few minutes son-chu arrives at the scene and chris and sonichu get in, chris says at the top of lungs, "SON-CHU TRANSFORM!!!", and son-chu turns into a battle powered robot about the same size as the PVCC robot

The Sensational Sonchu fired a barrage of merciless missiles at the PVCC robot, but the Terrifying Titan of Technology was left unharmed! Little did the putrid PVCC pariah know that the missiles were merely a distraction!

Sonchu fired a photon laser directly into the PVCC bots chest, knocking him back several feet! The PVCC robot, enraged, tackled Sonchu to the ground.

>>105032

Then suddenly Chris wakes up, it was all a dream.

>>105037

His mother calls for him crying about Bob and asking Chris for a foot rub.

Chris awoke to see his beautiful wife, Lovely Weather, sleeping next to him in one of their hundreds of bedrooms in Chris' giant mansion bought with sales from Sonichu Comic Books he self published.

"Is everything okay, honey bear?" asked Lovely Weather.

"Yeah," remarked Chris, "I'm just glad all that awful stuff was only a dream!"

"THIS AIN'T NO DREAM BITCH, YOU GONNA DIE!" shouted the PVCC robot as it smashed Sonchu's head into the dirt a couple more times.

Apparently Chris, while piloting Sonchu, suffered a severe case of vertigo and passed out.

"BETTER PUT ON 'YO 3D-GLASSES BITCH, 'CAUSE THIS IS COMIN' AT 'YA LIVE FROM COMPTON" Said the PVCC robot as it dropped it's robot pants, revealing a giant hammer where his robo-penis should be.

>>105045
The PVCC robot hammered Sonchu from behind, the machine was no longer able to move, the repeated, muffled thumps were causing chris stress as he realized he probably looked like a homo right now, sonichu breaks open the cockpit windows and they both crawl out, but not before activating the self destruct sequence

>>105052
but sonchu is an old battered machine, the self destruct sequence does not cause an explosion like chris had hoped but merely shuts down, the PVCC robot nearly doubled over in laughter at this turn of events. Chris, now helpless, shits himself, sighs and thinks of another plan

>>105054
Chris, now sobbing as he knows he is about to be defeated, he cries out "Somebody help me!" He hears a voice that he can only assume is Godbear's, "Use the medallion Chris!" Chris places his Sonichu medallion in Son-chu's secret compartment. All of the sudden, the robot is filled with anchuent energy and chris glows bright green. Now revitalized and stronger than ever, chris shouts at the top of his lungs "Panda may be dead, but I wear her heart on my back! My power is da power that will p-pierce da heavens!"

Using the new found power of the medallion, Chris commands the mighty Sonchu to toss the PVCC robot off of him.

As the PVCC bot tumbles back, Sonchu rips it's hammer dick off and proceeds to beat him over him over the head with it.

"NO! YOU'RE BEATING ME OVER THE HEAD WITH MY OWN DICK!" the PVCC robot cried out before the final blow was stuck, crushing it's head.

The PVCC bot fell to the ground, crushing hundreds more JULAYfags in the process.

Chris's twin, Loops Chandler finally emerges from his brother's back, having grown there for so long.

>>105070
Sonchu stands tall above the fallen PVCC robot, about to deliver the final blow, Sonchu gets into position and begins, "Curse...ye..ha-me-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" a fantastic flash of light surrounds the area, and the robot and JOOLAYfags are annihilated, or so it seems. the flash dies down and everyone is still there, but little do they know they are now cursed

>>105074
the robot vanishes away like ash, the dark powers are returning it to safety, sonchu directs attention back to the mocking slanderous 7.89_dollar_garbage building, the jooolayfags are now hostile...

Suddenly, the power of the medallion gives out, causing Sonchu to collapse down upon all the remaining Julayfags, crushing them all.

>>105087
considering this a victory, chris decides to upload a few videos from his 3ds, some cwckians hiding in some bushes document it

>>105088
Suddenly, Chris's 3DS pulls out a gun.

"You motherfuckers better reach for the sky!" shouted the 3DS in a blistering rage! "Empty your fucking wallets, NOW! I want all your money!"

Thinking quickly, Sonichu slapped the 3DS out of Chris' hand and stomped it into a million pieces.

"Sonichu! Why?!" shouted Chris. "You've destroyed my life improvement!"

"Can we just go in the fucking 789 building now?" Sonichu asked, clearly tired of Chris' bullshit.

>>105149
chris sighs, and follows sonichu and the chaotic combo as they enter the 666 floor building

>>105045
I think this is about where the story fell apart. I still fucking lol'd though.

Best thread on /cwc/ in a long fucking time. OP-You are a heterosexual gentleman who has relations with many beautiful women.

>>105158

Chris, realizing that the story is falling apart gets one of the 7 sonichu balls from the 789 building.

"T-the story, is ehrm, falling apart at this point, Sonichu" Chris says to Sonichu.

"Thank you father, I will father!" Sonichu replies while masturbating.

>>105229
As they head for the elevator, a man appears from the shadows.
It's Bob Chandler.
"Dad?!" Chris says "I thought you were dead! What the heavy metal rockband are you doing here?!"
"Chris... I faked my death to get away from you and Barb. I came to this here 789chan buildin' so I'd have people to talk to! People who actually listen to the stories about my life and not some 30 year old man with the mind of a 5 year old and an overbearing, coddling bitch!"
"B-but... we buried you! I saw your body go in the coffin and watched it lowered into the ground."
"Ya see Chris... the PVCC had found out where my burial plot was so for the past 3 years they'd been digging a tunnel from their buildin to right beneath my plot so they could dig me up when I die. I read that on the cwcki! So I made arrangements with the PVCC and feigned my death and when the coffin was bought I sneaked in and cut a trap door out of the side of it. After I was buried I just rolled out and Clyde Cash was waitin' for me to take me on his motorbike."
Chris had long since stopped listening and was playing Little Big Planet on his PSP(never on hexbox).
"And now, Chris..." Bob announced, "I'm goin to do somethin' I should have done a long time ago..."
and he pulled the fag card out of his pocket. It was a playing card with picture of Naitsirch on it. The edges were razor tipped and laced with a special poison; the cure for homosexuality.
Bob flung the card at Chris...

>>105243
The card was flung, its aim straight and HONEST.

However, Bob's failing eyesight caused the card to fly wildly past Chris, where it would have embedded itself into the wall...

...if Sonichu hadn't overreacted, throwing himself in front of Chris as a hedgehog shield.

Sonichu fell to the ground with a heavy thud, paralyzed by the effects of the human homosexuality vaccine on his hedgehog Pokemon system.

Chris never flinched, solely absorbed in his PSP.

As Sonichu twitched and convulsed on the ground, Rosechu said

>>105249
"OH MY GOD!! SONICHU IS TURNING STRAIGHT!!! WHO WILL SUCK MY 300 MILE LONG COCK NOW?!!!!" s/he exclaimed.
Sonichu, who was made of 90% concentrated faggotry shrivelled up and disintegrated under the homo vaccine's effects.

When Rosechu arrived home that evening she found that the house had been broken into and Jamsta Sonichu was upstairs brutally raping her annoying little faggot kids.

Rosechu saw that Oprah was on TV, apparently it was raining cocks in CWCVille.

Rosechu said down and watched television, while Jamsta Sonichu was upstairs brutally raping her annoying little faggot kids.

Rosechu sat on the couched and sighed because of the stress. "Sigh" she sighed, sighing.

She continued to watch Oprah Winfrey.

Meanwhile, in the 789 bunker Jason Kendrick Howell....

>>105254

Christ I'm turning autistic too, look at all the grammar errors.

*stress sigh*

>>105254
was working on a shitty collaborative fanfics with a bunch of autists on /cwc/. He started browsing the rest of /cwc/ until his crotch started to itch and he had to take care of it with his gun.

He named his right hand ''gun'', by the by.

>>105277
Upon seeing nudes of pixyteri, chris cums explosively, and at that moment, barb walks in, and gets plastered with chrises navy. "Damn it, boy! You finally did it! You got off before I got off!".

And Barb exploded and Bob dropped dead again. Chris cried a single tear of sadness, and his tears revived Sonichu, except this time he was 100% straight and homo-free!

"Sonichu! You're alive!" said Chris.

"Fuck yes i am, you cockwhore!" said Sonichu as he shaved his rockin' beard. "Now let's go find Clyde Cash and stick a firecracker up his ass! But not in a gay way, because i'm straight."



Meanwhile, in the PVCC bunker, Jason was still scratching his crotch.

Suddenly, Clyde slammed into the bunker and said...

>>105297
"Are we there yet?"

>>105329

Jason gave no reply, and continued scratching his balls (they really itched).

Bored and slightly annoyed at being ignored, Clyde decided to...

>>105347
rub jasons balls with calamine lotion.

>>105353
Just then SeanieB and Atlus burst in and raped the shit out of Clyde and Jason while screaming "WE ARE HUEG FAGGOTS!!! JULAAAAAYYYY!!!!!"

Realizing the story was going nowhere fast, Chris, Sonichu, and the Chaotic Combo bursted into the bunker and killed Atlus and SeanieB. Clyde, thinking quickly, decapitated Jason and used a really cool NINJA SMOKIN' BOMB to escape the bunker and get all the way up to the top floor.

"That got-dang Clyde Cash got away! Damn him!" shouted Chris.

"We'll get that fuckin' busta, CJ!" said Ryder-Chu, the African American Quasi-Electric Gangsta Hedgehog Pokemon.

>>105378
ryder-chu then went abut drinking a 40 and smoking some weed, which earned some ire from chris but as chris is afraid of niggos he said nothing

>>105380
suddenly, liquid chris appeared. ryderchu was visiously slandered by liquid.

"you are a homo who lives in a hermathrodyte commune... with.. your NAIVE GAL-PALS.. and worse! your hermathrodyte friends"

ryderchu stood there in shock.

"i denounce you... you naive retard.. you naive retarded homo bastard.... you and your naive retarded homo bastard ways! i bet you live a pitiful existance! living with nothing better to do, than just be pointless"

"Y-You wrong, muthafucka!" said Ryder-Chu, visibly shaken by Liquid's slanderings. "I'm a motherfuckin' OG! A genius!"

"You ain't nothin' but a dope-pushin' balla lovin' BITCH, Ryder-Chu!" said Liquid. "Now i'm gonna cap yo' ass!"

Just then, Liquid pulled out a semi-automatic pistol and shot Ryder-Chu in the heart!

"Tell CJ... He a still busta..." said Ryder-Chu in his dying breath.

Liquid fired more shots, killing the entire Chaotic Combo, leaving only Sonichu and Chris left!

"Floppin' flounders! We're in for it now!" said Chris.

>>105562
liquid, not content with slandering only ryderchu, decided to turn his attention to sonichu.

from his pocket, liquid shown some drawings he made of sonichu declaring himself to be a homosexual who likes DA NIGGOS.

tom crooze who had returned to cwcville with an army of Scientology fans also started slandering sonichu.

sonichu felt DA STRESS, but magi-chan sonichu arrived to help chris and sonichu to fight liquid and tom crooze.

ready for fighting, tom crooze unleashed his anchuent powers and transformed into his colossal tom crooze form.

"Now Chris Chan, it's time to --"

Suddenly, Liquid shot Tom Crooze in the gut and his clone army disappeared.

"Ugh, why?" asked Crooze.

"Because fucking Mission Impossible 3, that's why." replied Liquid.

Liquid, way more pissed than the situation called for, got frustrated and walked out of the story.

With no more distractions left, Chris and Sonichu went up the elevator up to the lair of Clyde Cash.

Chris gasped.

Clyde's lair was pumping with cogs and pipes. Vials of tumorous Chris lookalikes grew and bubbled inside the vats, their cells growing wildly out of control. Inside a large aquarium a pallid, sweaty Chris with no limbs screamed at his webcam, in one of the vials bubbled a tiny membranous little Chris. Loudspeakers overhead babbled and laughed.

He then realized. This was a testing ground for trolls.

>>105686
Chris advanced further into the hellish lair. Eyes full of silent determination and ears that tried to ignore the horrendous cries "jooooooolaaaaaayyyyyy".
Then he saw It, a thing that should not be. It was the lord of the flies. Patiently waiting for Chris.
The manchild stood there paralyzed from seeing the vision. A single stream of shit silently dropped into his briefs.
"Dad come on! It's just a pig's head on a stick, It won't hurt us". But the man in the stripped shirt didn't move. Suddenly the beast opened his mout as If It would swallow the manchild whole.
It said...

>>105715
"I've got a fish! Would you like to make a wish? I've got a fish! Would you like to make a wish? I've got a fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiish! Would you like to make a wish!"

>>105757
Chris was inside the mouth, he fell down and lost consciousness.
He woke up dazzled. For a second he thought he was seeing the sun, but in reality It was a lamp that shined dimly over his head. He could no longer see sonichu or the mounstrocities in the test tubes, or hear the name of a past girlfriend being whispered in his ears.
"Hey fatass, wake up". He looked in front of him, a taned figure figure was looking towards him from the side of the table they were sitting at.
"Whe...Where's sonichu?", asked Chris in a low voice full of terror
"Don't worry, your rat is safe...For now".
"If you lay a single finger on him I'll!..."
"I said the rat is fucking safe, can't you hear?"
They both paused. Chris was shitting himself.
"Alright then...". Clyde took out a magnum from under the table
"Wanna play a game of Russian roullete?"

"Hmmm, yeah... okay." said Chris. Clyde handed the gun to Chris, and, with the slightest hint of fear or doubt, Chris held the gun to his head.

Maybe it was his new-found bravery in the face of absolute terror, maybe it was his autism, whatever the case, Chris was not afraid.

*click*
*click*
*click*
*click*
*click*

All five shots were duds. Clyde just stood there, in total awe of what was either Chris' profound testicular fortitude, or just plain retardation.

"You unbelievably dumb mother fucker..." Clyde muttered as he shook his head. Chris tossed the gun back into Clyde's hands.

"Your turn, you mocking orange bastard!" Chris said, feeling triumphant.

>>105811
Instead of putting the gun to his head, Clyde shot Chris in the shoulder
"yaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGHHHHHHHh" squaled Chris like a hog. Clyde then took out a board... It's name was simply "Life".
"Now, you will be experiencing you whole life again".
Chris was crying his eyes out in pain. "What the hell is this all about?, you damn slanderous sonuvabithc!"
"Pay attention Chris" said Clyde with a diminishing look. "This is how your life could have been If you just cated a little bit... And weren't such a retard"

>>105817
The smokey air of the jazz bar usually stung his nostrils, but tonight, Chris relished the smell. He attempted to concentrate on his saxophone (nicknamed the sexophone because of how many women Chris had seduced through a combination of his prowess on both the instruments of wind and women) playing, but his thoughts kept drifting back to the note on his bedside table, still scented with Megan's sweet perfume.

After the band finished playing, Chris sat down and nursed a gin and tonic. Idly thinking of his next sexual conquest, Chris didn't hear the heavy footsteps approaching him in anger.

"You were all over the place tonight, Chris," bandleader and brother Cole Smithey said. "Get your shit together."

Chris let out a heavy sigh and

>>105818
from his saxaphone came a note of purest beauty. The note reverberated through the bar and out into the street, shattering windows and scaring animals. All of the alcohol containers in Virginia exploded, leading to a state-wide bar fight.

Chris saw the carnage unfold, and decided that he had made a mistake. So he played a smooth, relaxing melody on his sax, instantly the violence stopped, and the entire neighborhood, entranced by Chris' awesome saxophone playing, proceeded to make sweet, straight love.

Chris then backhanded Cole across the face.

"Bitch, did i give you permission to badmouth my genius?" asked Chris.

"N-no..." Cole replied.
"No WHAT?" Chris asked.
"NO SIR!" Cole replied again, loud but submissive.

"That's right, and until you start getting a taste of the tail i rake in, you won't fucking get it, now go polish my sax, bitch."

Cole took Chris' sax and slumped away without saying a word. He wouldn't dare speak ill of his sax-man, the man who brought the band to the top of the charts, the only reason anyone even came to their shows.

Chris retreated into his trailer, where a group of fine honeys in bikinis were waiting for him.

As Chris plopped down on his bitchin' leopard-skin couch, the fly honeys surrounded him.

"Oh Chrissy baby, is everything alright?" asked the black one.

"You seem so upset, has Cole been bringin' you down?" asked the half-and-half.

"Nah baby, that little prick knows his place." said Chris. "I'm just a little tired is all, I've had such a long week."

"Would a rockin' fourway make you feel better?" asked the white one.

"You know it, lover."

Chris laid the negress down, the bed anointed with rose pedals. He unzipped her large mammy sized muumuu. Her african tits flopped out in a fit of grease. Chris laughed,

"You make me feel like a little autistic teenage boy at a community picnic"

"Oh lawd"

He gently caressed her large hanging breasts, his careful precision only hindered by his autism. She rose from the bed to pull the muumuu up and revealed; a 10 inch long black cock.

He was foiled by the man in the pickle suit again.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" shouted Chris in a fit of anguish and pain. His voice had been rendered so beautiful by years of rockin' saxophone playing that hearing it express even an ounce of pain caused the entire tri-state area to commit mass suicide.

Clyde then shut off the projector.

"What the fuck was that shit?" asked Chris.
"I dunno, i rented this thing from a friend." replied Clyde as he shrugged.

"Anyway, prepare to die!"

Clyde ran towards the injured Chris with his wooden board, but just then, Sonichu broke free from his cage!

>>105854

Sonichu was free!

He dashed at lightning speed toward Clyde, and snatched the board from his spray-tanned hands.

A tense staredown began between the yellow hedgehog Pokemon and the orange master of trolls.

But without his simmering homosexual daddy issues, no one could tell whose side Sonichu was on...

Until he turned to smash the board over Chris' skull.

Clyde grinned in satisfaction, his plan finally coming to fruition.

Clyde and Sonichu slowly advanced upon Chris...

>>105861
And then Chris woke up, back at 14 Branchland court. He awoke with semen and shit in his briefs. "Mommy!" he cried out. "I had a bad dream!" Barb stomped her way to Chris's room and yelled...

>>105865

"GET ME OFF BEFORE I GO OFF!"

She stomped into the room, completely naked, a foul smell seeping from her hairy twat. Chris then...

>>105865
"This ain't no dream Chris!. Your father... Oh God!." The elderly woman began to cry tears of intense sadness. Chris wiped off the semen stains from his acne ridden face.
"What happened momma?." Inquired Chris, awfully calm for the situation at hand.
Barb siad nothing, she just handed Chris a white envelope. Her son took It from her shacky hands.
"sup fag, I dig up your dad's body. If you want it back you'll have to beat me at a stupidly high stakes gamble that i rigged against you. If you lose i'll cut your dick off and sell bob's body to some laboratory and shit. Meet me at the casino. ps: ur a fag"

Clyde was at It again...

>>105868

After much prodding from Barb and protesting from Chris, he arrived at the casino alone.

The opulent marble building was an exact replica of Jefferson's Monticello...a fact which was totally lost on Chris, as he fidgeted and ambled towards the entrance.

As he stepped through its lavish doors, he failed to notice that the normally packed house was completely empty, save for the doorman.

The doorman ushered Chris towards the VIP room. On any other night, fortunes would be made and lost here...but tonight, the stakes were much higher.
Because tonight, Chris' bent duck and dead dad were both on the line.

Chris took his seat at the Blackjack table, where Clyde was already seated. Senor Dinero was dressed to the nines in a gaudy fuchsia suit, ringed on both sides by guido bodyguards in black Versace suits.

Although Chris seemed to be his usual pale, dead-eyed self, inside he was scared shitless...mostly because he had vacated the entire contents of his bowels into his briefs.

Clyde finally broke the long silence.
"'Sup fag. Ready to lose, loser?"

Chris, after failing to find a random-access quote suitable for the situation, retorted with...

Citizens of the Internet: I present an open message to each and every one of you.

Y'all should know me by now, but, if you don't, I am Christian Weston Chandler, the original creator of Sonichu, the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, back on March 17th, 2000. Any dates earlier are void. I present this open message because I have a whole bunch of people on the Internet [removes glasses dramatically] give me hate…—show me a lot of hate... and I do not appreciate it. Ticks me off.

You think you can just… hate me just to get a laugh out of yourself. Think about it. You're laughing at somebody else's pain and torture, because I am lonesome, still trying to find a Boyfriend-Free Girl and to make into a sweetheart. Y'all think I'm just a sap, a chump, dumbass, whatever you may think. But you know what? You… you! Every last one of you, who has sh—expressed hate against me? You're the shitheads!

Also, every last one of you who thinks that I am similar to that—of that senile old man in Family Guy… you're the pedophiles. Every one of you who thinks I'm homo and calls me that—because I am not; I'm straight! I'm straight!—you’re the homos! Every last one of you!

I could—I could take the whole time to express so much anger and frustration. I'm only nearsighted; I do wear glasses. [replaces glasses on face] Take it or leave it, losers! [removes glasses dramatically (again)] It m—it helps me see better… see more detail and more clear vision than any of you knuckleheads can put together out of your own ego that you so richly... [begins awkwardly tapping PS3 controller] consume of.

But… on a more serious note: learning recently of the false—or real—literature, with downloaded… copies of my comic pages and whatnot. It has been either distributed or created without my consent or approval. So... it is a fake... and if it ever is published, or if it ever shows profit, let it weigh on your consciousness throughout your eternal life… that you are torturing and—worse off—tearing the heart, and soul, and emotions of the innocent man. The out—the innocent—still 26-year-old [slams arms down on chair’s arms] virgin. Not only that, but I have so many lonely nights and stress… that you can not just imagine it!

Now, as for the other serious note: of any new stuff officially made by me, under my own… hands… not by anybody else's, which are considered false. I just have not been feeling the inspiration to draw—to color! Because the loneliness…—I cannot stand that. The hatred I'm getting from every last one of you who has contributed to that Encyclopedia Dramatica web page… and every other forum, Internet document, lewdly drawn pictures with… dicks…—I love dykes! Dykes! CHINA! I'm straight! If I ever—if I see a dick, I just look away, with a moment of being freaked out!

And e-mailing me pictures is not gonna get any of you any further conclusion to “Will Crystal get out of the mirror?”, “Will the seven Sonichu Balls be collected?”, “Will I ever find my sweetheart?” And am I—am I or Megan Schroeder still an item—” which by the way, she broke up with me so much long ti—so much long ago because the contributors to that ED page… you broke the emotional streng—strength between us. You promoted such twists and turns to everything I have said [begins tapping PS3 controller against his hand to count the offenses] and drawn and written and whatnot… You broke up the best friendship, the best relationship, the closest I could ever have in this pitiful adult life! You did it! Every last one of you! If I could blame myself, I would definitely blame myself for drawing those five pictures! Those five drawings! And, by the way, that is not Crystal whose eyes are censored; [covers eyes with one hand momentarily] that is Megan! And just for—and just for—for taking it up—and twisting it around and such!

Think about it. Think about it! Weigh it on your conscience! Because nothing—no more official Sonichu art or work may—or may not—ever emerge… depending on the amount of hate that is decreased! That web page: taken off the Internet! I wish I'd never found that piece of shit in the first place, back on that Halloween of ’07, somewhere around there. And promoting the hatred, and… drawing such loose—such lucrid mockeries is not gonna further the story plot or have anything new created, or even gonna help in any way… as I am telling you this, right into my PlayStation Eye!

[sighs deeply] If I ever do find the one that is to be my sweetheart, I will give her such care, such tenderness, such love… we get around to the hanky-panky, that's fine, that's good… we get married. I will have my God-create—my God-called daughter! She will be taken care of… lovingly. Those of you mock me otherwise, with such frivolous, lucrid adultery… if I ever hear another—any more new stuff, it will weigh on your conscience, with me tearing at your souls… emotionally! Let that weigh on your conscience, for those of you who have already done so or are thinking about doing it!

I am not a pedofork, you dorks!

[sighs] I tell ya… so much anger, so much stress… it's hard to see straight. Let that, the result of all that you have contributed against me, weigh heavily like a 10,000-pound anvil! "Sixteen tons, whadd'ya get? Another day older and deeper in debt!" [pronounces the b in “debt”]

If I was not a baptized man over at the Methodist church by the University of Virginia, I'd tell every last one of you that contributed to the hatred and downpour, "Go to hell." But I can—but I would not even weigh that upon my worst enemy, because that—because I am more kind than ya think. Y'all just do not see that; y'all just twist my words around. [clears throat] I do not wish to see any more hatrey or adult mockery, and I want that Encyclopedia Dramatica page taken down forever! It will weigh heavily on your conscience each day that it is still up there.

[replaces glasses on face] I leave you with any other thoughts that you may have. But if you dare twist these words around, that will weigh worse on your conscience. The words that I provide from sound mind and heart… it will weigh heavily on you.

It will weigh heavily on you.

>>105909
Clyde sat in awe, absorbing the message. "I have only a few things to say:

For two years you've been asking 'Who is Clyde Cash?' This is Clyde Cash speaking. I'm the man who's taken away your victims and thus destroyed your world. You've heard it said that this is an age of moral crisis and that Man's sins are destroying the world. But your chief virtue has been sacrifice, and you've demanded more sacrifices at every disaster. You've sacrificed justice to mercy and happiness to duty. So why should you be afraid of the world around you?

Your world is only the product of your sacrifices. While you were dragging the men who made your happiness possible to your sacrificial altars, I beat you to it. I reached them first and told them about the game you were playing and where it would take them. I explained the consequences of your 'brother-love' morality, which they had been too innocently generous to understand. You won't find them now, when you need them more than ever.

We're on strike against your creed of unearned rewards and unrewarded duties. If you want to know how I made them quit, I told them exactly what I'm telling you tonight. I taught them the morality of Reason -- that it was right to pursue one's own happiness as one's principal goal in life. I don't consider the pleasure of others my goal in life, nor do I consider my pleasure the goal of anyone else's life.

I am a trader. I earn what I get in trade for what I produce. I ask for nothing more or nothing less than what I earn. That is justice. I don't force anyone to trade with me; I only trade for mutual benefit. Force is the great evil that has no place in a rational world. One may never force another human to act against his/her judgment. If you deny a man's right to Reason, you must also deny your right to your own judgment. Yet you have allowed your world to be run by means of force, by men who claim that fear and joy are equal incentives, but that fear and force are more practical.

You've allowed such men to occupy positions of power in your world by preaching that all men are evil from the moment they're born. When men believe this, they see nothing wrong in acting in any way they please. The name of this absurdity is 'original sin'. That's impossible. That which is outside the possibility of choice is also outside the province of morality. To call sin that which is outside man's choice is a mockery of justice. To say that men are born with a free will but with a tendency toward evil is ridiculous. If the tendency is one of choice, it doesn't come at birth. If it is not a tendency of choice, then man's will is not free.

And then there's your 'brother-love' morality. Why is it moral to serve others, but not yourself? If enjoyment is a value, why is it moral when experienced by others, but not by you? Why is it immoral to produce something of value and keep it for yourself, when it is moral for others who haven't earned it to accept it? If it's virtuous to give, isn't it then selfish to take?

Your acceptance of the code of selflessness has made you fear the man who has a dollar less than you because it makes you feel that that dollar is rightfully his. You hate the man with a dollar more than you because the dollar he's keeping is rightfully yours. Your code has made it impossible to know when to give and when to grab.

You know that you can't give away everything and starve yourself. You've forced yourselves to live with undeserved, irrational guilt. Is it ever proper to help another man? No, if he demands it as his right or as a duty that you owe him. Yes, if it's your own free choice based on your judgment of the value of that person and his struggle. This country wasn't built by men who sought handouts. In its brilliant youth, this country showed the rest of the world what greatness was possible to Man and what happiness is possible on Earth.

Then it began apologizing for its greatness and began giving away its wealth, feeling guilty for having produced more than its neighbors. Two years ago, I saw what was wrong with the world and where the battle for Life had to be fought. I saw that the enemy was an inverted morality and that my acceptance of that morality was its only power. I was the first of the men who refused to give up the pursuit of his own happiness in order to serve others.

To those of you who retain some remnant of dignity and the will to live your lives for yourselves, you have the chance to make the same choice. Examine your values and understand that you must choose one side or the other. Any compromise between good and evil only hurts the good and helps the evil.

If you've understood what I've said, stop supporting your destroyers. Don't accept their philosophy. Your destroyers hold you by means of your endurance, your generosity, your innocence, and your love. Don't exhaust yourself to help build the kind of world that you see around you now. In the name of the best within you, don't sacrifice the world to those who will take away your happiness for it.

The world will change when you are ready to pronounce this oath:

I swear by my Life and my love of it that I will never live for the sake of another man,
nor ask another man to live for the sake of mine."

sure is tl;dr in here all of a sudden

Than the picke suited dealer started dealing cards.

He gave chris an ace and the Espanolic pokemon card.

Chris, naturally realizing that these cards were totally useless, tossed them aside and had the pickle man dealt him five new ones.

Chris, confident in his brand new hand, bet every single chip he had on it.

Clyde then played his hand.

"Royal Flush, bitch!" said Clyde.

Chris then dealt his hand.
"Hmmm, two threes, one six, a four, and a Blue Eyes White Dragon!"

...

Clyde buried his face into his hands, completely in awe at Chris' stupidity.

"Hmmm... do i win now?" asked Chris.

"NO, YOU DO NOT WIN, YOU RETARD." Clyde shouted. "YOU NEVER WIN. YOU'VE NEVER WON ANYTHING IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE, AND YOU NEVER WILL, YOU KNOW WHY?"

"Because you keep trolling me!" responded Chris.

"NO! BECAUSE YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT." shouted Clyde, losing his composure even more. "YOU'RE AN IDIOT NOW AND YOU'LL BE AN IDIOT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE."

Clyde's eyes began to tear up, Chris' stupidity was proving to be too much for him.

"Enough of this shit," said Clyde, wiping back tears. "Pickle Man, get me his dick!"

"I will, thank you father!" said the Pickle Man in an oddly whiny, high-pitched voice.

"...Sonichu?"

Sonichu emerged from the shadows, crinkling like a candy wrapper. Out of his mouth a deep resonate nigger voice from his sock puppet jowels,

"HAY HAW HAW OH LAWDY, FADDUH."

"Oh Sawnichu, it can't be, not this way."

The Sonichu husk fell dead to the floor like a persian rug. Clyde laughed like a mad man.

"All of them Chris, all your gal-pals, childhood friends, all your loved ones. They are all pickle suited negroes. Now go, go Christian Weston Chandler, and play with your pickle!"

Clyde threw a long, phallic pickle at Christian. Christian's eyes, bubbling from years of torment screams,

>>106121
"JOOOOOOOLLLLLAAAAYYYYY!!!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" in the crowded CWCville fashionsquare.

suddenly Timmothy Cruzetor entered and calmed chris down.

Tim Cruzetor, who was definetly NOT tom crooze in disguise decided to be chris' new friend.

"lets form a new chaotic combo, one far stronger than before" Tim said to chris.

Chris and Tim made a hasty escape out the window and driven to...

The bottom of a trench.

Chris was able to escape the wrecked car virtually uninjured, but Timmothy Cruzetor was dead as shit. His body was twisted, mangled, and covered in broken glass.

Chris saw the mangled, mutilated body of the last person in the entire world who had given him hope, and he wept. There was nothing left to fight for, the Chaotic Combo was dead, Sonichu had betrayed him and was killed, Clyde Cash was closing in, and there was a giant lab of freaky Chris clones everyone forgot about.

Chris plopped down the the ground, looked up into the cold, unforgiving night sky, and waited to accept his fate.

Just then, he heard a voice.

"Hey! Don't you quit on me, you little shit!"

Chris looked towards the moon, and he could see the reflection of his father's face in it.

"Dad?" Chris pondered.

"Yes Christian, it's me! You've been humiliating my whole life, but dammit, you aren't gonna embarrass me in death to! You get up and you kick Clyde Cash's ass!"

"I'm workin' on it, dad!" said Chris.

"YOU DO IT!" the reflection of Bob shouted before vanishing.

Chris knew now what he had to do. He dug through Timmothy Cruzetor's pocket and found a 9mm pistol in his pocket.

"Hmm, i'm gonna name you Timmothy Cruzetor 2, in honor of mah fallen friend, and together we'll form the new Chaotic Combo!"

A shadow of an orange Guido loomed over Chris, he looked behind himself and saw Clyde holding a pickaxe.

"Yeah, let this be our uh... our final battle, Clyde." said Chris.

"Get ready to die, you fat piece of shit." Clyde replied.

Clyde leaped down into the pit, and advanced towards Chris.

Chris aimed little Tom at the descending guido. In technical terms, he had the edge in this battle, afterall he only needed to plow a single bullet right between Clyde's eyes(He had practiced on Jimmy Hill several times before).
But Clyde was as fast as a motherfucker: He descended like a goddamn mountain goat ready to stick a horn up the manchild's ass. Chris was shooting uncontrollably, but every bullet he shot went right past Clyde; But his 8th bullet decided to bless him for once, and digged Itself deep into his adversary's leg.
"Fuck!" Exclaimed Clyde as he lost his balance and fell to the ground; For once in Clyde's life he was going to be defeated by the autistic fuck he had tortured all his life.
Chris tossed the gun aside and went for the pickaxe; He wanted to bash his brains in, but just before he could deal the finishing blow, Clyde spoke.
"Hope you don't mind a little company...".
Out of the darkness, a tall figure appeared to Chris's and landed a right hook in him. The blow was strong enough the throw down the manchild, who weighted a total of grand pounds, to the ground.
Chris lifted his head to see his new adversary, the horror overcame him when he saw the true shape of the figure...

>>106208
>its NOT tom crooze DAMMIT... its TIM CRUZETOR, you slow-in-da-mind

>>106208
It was a penis.

A giant, living penis that hobbled across the ground on two enormous testicles, each easily the size of Chris. What Chris had mistaken for a punch was in fact a teabagging the likes of which had never been seen before.

>>106216
chris stood boldy before it, meanwhile the spirit of bob chandler spoke to chris.

"christian you are a dissapointment, but in heaven i gathered the sonuchu balls and i wished tim crueztor back to life to help you fight, he will be there in 5 mins"

The gigantic penis lunged at Chris, but luckily, he was able to roll out of the way and grab his pickaxe.

Chris, intervening between bouts of anger and brief moments of being FREAKED OUT, was able to block the giant penis' attacks. During their battle, Clyde Cash slowly began to limp away, humiliated and wounded.

Suddenly, Timothy Cruzetor burst in and hit the Penis with a spinning crane kick.

"Chris, You have to get Clyde! I'll handle the giant penis!" said Tim.

Chris began to giggle a little.

"Not like that, you immature douche. I'm in love with Katie Holmes!"

As Timothy battled the giant penis monster, Chris began to chase after Clyde.

Then he woke up, sweaty in his filthy greasy room

>>106326
Then he woke up, greasy in his roomy sweaty filth.

>>106326
>>106327
Christ, how many times has Chris "woken up" in this story? Twelve?

>>106329
Said Chris, as he rolled over and quickly fell back asleep.

Back in dreamworld, Chris was chasing down the injured Clyde Cash.

Due to his poor diet and living conditions, Chris can only run a short distance before slowing down and panting uncontrollably. Ordinarily this would make him totally useless when chasing after someone, but thanks to Clyde's severe limp, they were both traveling at the same speed.

The result was probably the slowest, most ridiculous looking chase seen ever. A limping Guido running away from a fat manchild in a clown shirt.

>>106332
Chris managed to summon all of his energy and caught up with him. He tackles Clyde to the ground and then wraps his hands around Clyde's neck.

But then...

>>106351
''OH MY GODBEARS'' Chris cried out like a little pig. ''YOU ARE... YOU ARE'' ''That's right Chris. IT WAS ME, MAGI-CHAN, ALL ALONG! GET READY FOR A DICKENING'' Magi-Chan roared as he took out his 16 inch, erect penis.

''NOOO! I AM THE STRAIGHT'' Chris-chan said. ''I DON'T CARE YOUR ASS IS MINE'' Magi-Chan screamed in Chris' face.

But then Chris realized something.










MAGI-CHAN WAS PATTI ALL ALONG!

>>106367

Patti then proceeded to rot, motionlessly, while Chris-Chan flailed about in the freshly dug-up grave yelling to himself.

>>106389
Then, summoning all his strength, Chris brought his foot down on PattiMagiClyde and crushed his/her head, which exploded spectacularly. Chris's greatest nemesis was dead.

With his greatest nemesis dead, Chris only had one objective left, getting Bob's body back in the ground.

Chris traveled back to the abandoned casino and began desperately searching for Bob, ripping out the floorboards, taking apart the walls, smashing the doors open, until finally he found Bob's corpse hidden under a roulette table.

Chris loaded Bob's body up into the trunk of his car and drove to the graveyard, he found Bob's headstone above a patch of disrupted dirt, and dug it up.

He gently placed his father's body at the bottom of the hole and buried it once more, returning Bob to the soil of the earth.

Chris looked into the sky and saw the reflection of his father in the moon one last time, Bob smiled at him, it had taken almost thirty years, but Chris had finally made Bob proud.

With Bob at peace, the reflection disappeared into the night again, this time forever. Chris got in his car and drove to the last loose end, the ditch.

The giant penis dead, but Timothy Cruzetor was mortally wounded. Chris kneeled over Tim.

"Chris, i have something to tell you..." said Timothy. Timothy removed his fake mustache. "I was really Tom Cruze the whole time..."

"I know, I've always known." replied Chris. "Thank for... hmm... all 'yer help, mister Cruze."

"Thank YOU Chris, for teaching me about the true meaning of friendship." the dying Crooze said, bleeding profusely. "It's all okay now, i'll be with L. Ron Hubbard soon."

Crooze closed his eyes, and slipped into oblivion.

>>106551
"Christian, Christian, CHRISTIAN" a voice called.

Young Chris looks up, realizing he was gazing into the snow globe again. He overhears his father talk.

"I don't know, Dr. Cash," says Bob, "isn't there anything you can do?" Dr. Clyde Cash replies "I'm sorry Mr. Chandler but we've done all we can. I've consulted with Dr. Sun E. Chu and it just doesn't seem to be anything we can do. I've asked all the nurses, Nurses Ivy, Megan, Kacey, and the rest but they don't see any hope for Chris. I'm afraid the only real solution is institutionalization."

>>106800
the loss of timmothy cruzetor was simply too much for chris to handle... chris had lost the person he dearly loved so much.

tim had been revived by bob once, with the earth sonichu balls, so crhis had a wonderful idea..

"i know, i can resurect tim cruzetor with the sonichu balls from another planet" shouted chris. sonchu was able to transform into a space ship, so chris was heading on a quest, to the planet called...

>>106803
Equestria

>>106828

OH SHIT NIGGER WHAT ARE YOU DOING

>>106837
Said a voice in Chris' head as he woke up. He had fallen asleep in the middle of packing on his quest to the planet...

>>106839
Equestria

>>106839
Julay.

>>106843
The planet in question had three moons. There was a moon made of lasers and a moon made of fire and a moon that would sometimes fly close to the planet and cause earthquakes and also pants people.

The planet itself had an angry face on it and had no ponies on it whatsoever. Instead, it was home to a very strange species where the males were omnisexual tentacle monsters and the females were japanese schoolgirls. And they were all wearing armor covered in spikes that were actually rocket launchers at people and the national pastime in every country was killing the crap out of everyone else.

>>106859
at first chris was scared and hid behind a large rock.

"i have to be brave, its what tim cruzetor would have wanted, tim would never give up on me, so i should never give up, for tims sake" thought chris, as he loaded his handgun....

>>107128

And shot himself in the head.

~fin~

>>107512

AND THEN HE WOKE UP AND

>>107515
Shot himself in the head

>>107516
And Chris was dead.

He found himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter looks up his name in the Book of Life and says "Ah, Christian Weston Chandler, we've been expecting you. You're going to..."

>>107521

Shoot yourself in the head

>>107532

>>107534
And so Chris pulled out his handgun again and shot himself once more, his ghostly brains splattering all over Saint Peter. Saint Peter casually looked to the side, as Jesus walked out of the gates.

"Sup J-man my nigga" said Saint Peter.

"Yo Peter" said Jesus, "What's crackin'?"

"Not much man, not much."

"Cool. Respect."

Jesus and Peter brofisted as Jesus picked up Chris's body and threw it off a nearby cloud.

"Dad still giving you a hard time?" asked Peter.

"Yeah. He's been in a real bad mood ever since that whole 'Holocaust' thing a few years back."

"Sucks"

Saint Peter lit up a cigarette, as the two proceeded into a conversation about the last time they saw Leonard Bearstein.

Meanwhile in hell, Chris woke up suddenly and...

>>107586
thought to himself "Holy shit I must be dreaming!" Chris pinched his cheek and awoke on his desk in his mayoral office, located in the Cwcville mall. "What a strange dreaam!" he thought out loud. Allison Amber knocked on the door and said.....

>>107588
"QUIT TRYING TO WAKE UP, YOU WERE NEVER ASLEEP!"

>>107586

shot himself in the head

>>107590
Chris shot himself in the head (again) but nothing happened. Then, a thunderous voice came from the heavens. "I AM THE VOICE OF GOD," it proclaimed, "For your stupidity you can never kill yourself, no matter how many times you try. To reiterate, you cannot shoot yourself int he brain or for that matter, die in any way."

>>107611
And then Chinese Kratos came along and said "FACKA YOU, GOD! REAVE CHLISTIAN RESTON CHANDRA ARONE, YOU PLICK!" and he killed God with a giant iron dildo and then he said "Now go, Chlis! Go out and fackin kirr yourself to the extleme!" and Chris replied "Hmmm yeah, mmm... th- uh thank you, f-father. I will."

>>107612
It was that moment that Chris realized the folly of his entire existence and vowed to change his life around.

So, that very moment, he threw out all of the shit in his room, made a bonfire with his Sonichu drawings for kindling, took a shower and put on some decent clothing. He then went to apply for a job as a people greeter at Wal Mart and was accepted. After hawking the stuff he didn't throw out, he promptly got himself a new apartment.

And then Chris rode off into the sunset, knowing that tomorrow will be a better day.

THE END.

and then chris shot himself in the head

>>107616
THE END FOR REAL

OR IS IT?

The ghosts of Bob Chandler, Aunt Corina, Patti Chandler and 9-year old Christopher Chandler are seen around Chris's corpse. A bright white haze fills the sky and can be seen for miles. When the haze clears, only one figure can be seen.

It was Chris, but not not the Chris we're used to. Chris stands up tall, looks to the heavens, and shouts:

"My name is Christian Weston Chandler, but you also know.. furdermore know me as Jesus. I have returned from da dead to pass judgment on dis world and save it from its wicked ways. For I am da son of da God and da Bear, and no mortal man can strike... can kill me."

With this revelation, and imbued with his new godly powers of immortality which no being in existence could ever remove, he takes off into the sky on the hunt for the true Anti-Christ, SurfShack Tito.

"and then there's like this big battle in heaven, Chris makes all these sonichus and stuff, and they fight Surfshack Tito's evil minions, and and and --"

"I'm sorry, hold on. What?" one of the three executives sitting at the desk interrupted.

"I have a few questions. First of all, whatever happened to that lab of Chris clones? That seemed important."

"Oh well, uh, they come back later in the story and form a giant Chris monster to fight the Xeenuians!"

"This story seems to drag on a bit long, can we really fit the whole thing into one movie?" asked another executive.

"Well, no. That's why it needs to be a trilogy."

The three executives huddled together and being whispering. After a solid five minutes, one of them finally piped in.

"Mr. Shamayalan, we love it! This will make a wonderful movie series!"

M. Night would go on to become the most acclaimed filmmaker in Hollywood, his Chris-Chan based twenty movie epic would gain thousands of awards and trillions of dollars.

Using the money he gained from these movies, he would eventually buy out the US government and become president of the world, where he created a perfect utopia that lasted for millions of years, all because of him.

But everybody still thought The Last Airbender sucked.

The Actual End.

As Chris awoke and fired up his PS3, he sees a quote: " M Night Shamalan bringing Sonichu to the Big Screen"

Chris realizes that, once again, his original creation Sonichu the Electric Hedgehog Pokemon has been stolen out from under him.

In a rage, he shouts "I'll Strangle that M Nigh Shamwow!", hops in SONCHU and drives to the police, with his copyright papers in hand.

"First Jimmy Hill and no dis. I'll make him pay!"

[thats right. This is now a prequel to how Shamalan conquered chris and stole his story]