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No. 2601
January 20, 2009.
'Mr. President, sir, are you sure this police action is a good idea?', asked , Valerie Jarrett, the presidential advisor.
'Of course, Valerie', smiled Barack Obama, clearly enjoying sitting in the presidential chair.
'But, sir, it might have a political backlash since it is your first act as a president and...', replied Valerie Jarrett, slightly disturbed.
'More importantly, Valerie, when's the White House going to be painted black?'
'Should finished by friday, sir, but back to the other topic.'
'Listen Valerie', said Barack Obama. 'I've been talking about this with the Secretary of Defense and he agreed with me. Now is not the time to show weakness. The world might think that the USA have gotten soft with me leading them, but this will show them. Hahahahaha', laughed the black president.
'Now reschedule the appointment with the terrorists and get me the launch codes, my finger's itching to press the red button.'
One week later, the town of CWCVille lay in ruins. The nuclear firestorm had obliterated everything but the mall.
Christian Weston Chandler, mayor of the radioactive wasteland, and his band of survivors including Sonichu, Rosechu and Wild Sonichu had taken refuge in the ruins of CWCVille Mall which had somehow withstood the atomic blast.
'This is horrible', said Chris-chan, gnawing at the corpse of his secretary, Ms. Allison Amber. They had grilled her dead body for food once they discovered that there was nothing to eat at the mall.
'This must be a nightmare!', whined Rosechu.
'We'll, be fine, Rosechu, don't worry. Help will be on the way', lied Sonichu, holding Rosechu in his arms.
He knew all too well that with the portal out of function, they were stranded in this parallel dimension forever.
'Why did this happen?', asked Wild Sonichu, scratching the dead skin from body while he spoke.
'Now I'll never find a boyfriend-free girl', cried Chris, his tears giving the meat a salty flavor.
'Father, snap out of it!', shouted Sonichu. 'Now is not the time for this! We're running out of food. We're suffering from radiation sickness and the irradiated zombies outside the mall could barge in any moment and eat us alive!'
Rosechu began to cry again.
'Shut up, you hysterical slut!', yelled Wild Sonichu and bitchslapped Rosechu.
'Don't hit my heartsweet, you jerk', fumed Sonichu and lept at Wild, punching him.
The Two electric hedgehogs exchanged blows while Chris munched and sobbed about being a virgin.
Sonichu used his Quick Attack. Catching Wild off balance, Sonichu punched him in the face and sent him tumbling to the ground.
'Wild? Get up, man, I'm sorry I overreacted', apologized Sonichum when Wild didn't get up.
Bowing down, SOnichu realized what happened. Wild had hit his head on the rubble lying on the floor and had his skull pierced by a pointy rock.
'Oh no, what... I didn't want to... I'm so sorry', said Sonichu, shocked at the loss of friend.
Rosechu began to cry even louder.
Chris didn't seem to care, eating arm of Ms. Amber as if it was nothing but a big BBQ Chicken Wing.
'This whole situation is insane', remarked Sonichu, walking over to the window and looking at the mass of the undead cannibals outside, growing in number with each passing hour.
'This is hopeless', sighed Sonichu.
2 days later:
Sonichu had passed away last night. The radiation sickness finally got him. Rosechu wouldn't stop crying and the the moaning of the zombies grew ever louder. But atleast the had food again. Sonichu's dead body would feed them for another day, like Wild's did.
'Sonichu, my sweetbolt. My poor, poor sweetbolt!', whined Rosechu, staring at the grilled piece of meat in front of her.
She just couldn't eat him. The hedgehog-girl hadn't eaten anything or anyone in the last 9 days, she just couldn't bring herself to do it.
She grew hungry and weak and since her boyfriend died, paranoia had nested in her mind.
The mindless stare of Chris-chan caused her discomfort. He was really creeping her out and she'd love to run away, but she was too weak and had nowhere to go with thousands of zombies outside.
The final day:
The zombies had finally managed to break into the mall. CHris-chan and Rosechu had retreated to the mayoral office and barricaded the door, but the safety wouldn't last forever. Sooner or later they'd come for the survivors.
'We're doomed, we're doomed!', Rosechu screamed herself hoarse.
'I'll die as a virgin. Why do I have to die as a virgin?', cried Chris without end.
Then he finally realized that he didn't have to. Technically, Rosechu was now boyfriend-free and surely she would love to help her creator out of this misery.
'Rosechu, you know I always loved you', said Chris in his childish voice.
'What are you talking about?', gasped Rosechu as she saw Chris-chan undressing himself in front of her, revealing his sweaty, dirty pickle.
'You're boyfriend-free and I'm girlfriend-free!', giggled the manchild.
'Get away from me, you horrible man!', screeched Rosechu and backing off. She knew what Sonichu's father had in his sick mind.
'You don't understand, I love you!', replied Chris and tore away Rosechu's clothes.
'Eek!', she screamed as Chris forced himself upon her, desperately trying to stick his crooked pickle into her china.
"Get off me!', cried Rosechu fighting Chris with all the strength she had left, but the manchild was too heavy and she was far too weak in her current state.
'Don't make me do this!', said Rosechu and focused all her remaining electric power into one last discharge.
She managed to pull it off, but the strain was just too much for her heart and she suffered a fatal heart attack as she zapped her would-be rapist.
The lightning hit Chris right in the nuts causing him to stuble backwards towards the door. Just in this moment the zombies broke through and swarmed Chris, biting and tearing at his arms and legs and manboobs.
One of the zombies even bit Chris's pickle, gnawing ferociously at it.
'Noooooooooooooo! That's gay oral sex, now I will go to hell!', screamed Chris before the undead horde tore him apart and made him their dinner with Rosechu for dessert.
Meanwhile in Washington DC:
'To our victory!', cheered Mary Lee Walsh, raising a glass of champagne.
'To our victory!', replied President Barack Obama.
'That'll teach the world. NO ONE MESSES WITH BARACK OBAMA!'
THE END
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