I thought PixyTeri didn't know about this board.

STICK IT TO THE MAN. GO TO HIS DESK AND TAKE THE BIGGEST SHIT EVER ALL OVER IT. HE'LL BE ALL, "WTF?" AND YOU'LL BE ALL, "THAT'S RIGHT, /BITCH/, I'M SICK OF YOUR MOTHERFUCKING RESTROOMS. GET SOME TOILET PAPER WITHOUT SPLINTERS IN IT NEXT TIME."

THEN JUMP OUT THE WINDOW AND PARACHUTE TO SAFETY.

I used to hate moving my bowels in a public restroom, but I've since realized that it's other people's problems if they don't like it. Truth is that they probably don't care.

Plus, when I use the bathrooms at work I'm getting paid to sit on the toilet. That's pretty awesome.

>>241
This. I used to exclusively shit at work: no money spent on TP, AND I'm being paid? Hell yeah.

Also, off topic, but a good road trip tip: shit in hotel lobby bathrooms. A lot cleaner and nicer.

>>248
The only issue I'm having with shitting at work is that I don't want to develop a reputation. I don't want people to start associating me with shitting at work.

I don't think anybody's caught on yet, but I have encountered another guy who does have that reputation several times already. I'm beginning to think that I should cut back on the frequency of my work shits.

Bring a little packet of moist wipes in your briefcase/mailbag/whatever you use to carry your stuff in, since you claim they're that messy.

But really if you're having biohazard shit blasts that much, you may need to do something about your diet.

>>251
This. Eat more fiber, your shits won't be horribly messy. If you're not blasting liquid shit every day, your ass will be less tender (lol) and the toilet paper won't fuck with you as much.

If you're worried about being caught, don't be. Who the fuck watches who takes a shit? Just go in, do your thing, and get out. If someone asks why you shit so much at work, say the reason: I'm getting paid to shit and don't have to spend too much on TP.

Also I love that the most constructive thread on /bitch/ is how to shit at work.

>>252
>Also I love that the most constructive thread on /bitch/ is how to shit at work
Where I work we have people that come in and spend twenty minutes every day in the shitter.

>>252
people don't pay attention to who is and is not shitting per se, but they notice who is and isn't being productive. they tend to notice someone who goes missing for 10 or 15 minutes a day. i get self-conscious about it because I don't ever want to end up having this conversation and trying to talk my way out of it without embarrassing myself

>where have you been for the last 15 minutes?

>>257
Just say you had to use the restroom. Your boss isn't going to be demanding the size, shape and consistency of your shit, or even if you were shitting.

You probably work 8 hours a day anyway, minimum, right? Do you really think those 15 minutes (if that) will really detract from your productivity? Shit with pride, my friend.

Alternatively, you could always wake up fifteen minutes earlier and shit then.

I just want you all to know that I am currently sitting on the toilet at work while I post this. It's like they're paying me to be an autistic loser! I'm living the dream!

>>267
Because only autistic people take shits!

Going out to take a shit for 10-15 minutes a day isn't really going to be a big deal, especially if it's a shift that's like six-eight hours or longer. I'm pretty sure no one would care.

I did this all the time at my old job. Honestly it was a nice breather, since sometimes business could get pretty hectic. Obviously I never shat during rushes though, that's a time you definitely don't want people asking where you are.

Of course it might vary from job to job, but...seriously, who is going to come up to you and say, "I know you go out and shit for 15 minutes a day and I'm clocking you from now on, bitch."

>>277
>"I know you go out and shit for 15 minutes a day and I'm clocking you from now on, bitch."
why does this sound like something apple would do?

>>278
Because Apple is as close to Futurama's MomCorp as you can get.

>>241
Bless B&B

At my current job, the staff restroom is kind of right in the middle of the hallway. There's no privacy at all and the bathroom is useless for anything other than taking a pee or quickly washing your hands and face in the middle of the day. I really miss having total bowel freedom.

>2012
>not taking twenty minute shit breaks to play games on your phone

I used to take masturbation breaks when I tutored in college.

Baby Wipes™!!!!!

"They're NOT just for Babies, Anymore!!!"