What, like personal lolcows you know that you keep checking up on once in a while to see if they've made an arse out of themselves on the internet again?

Best one I know is a extreme-feminist that has a track record of being incredibly submissive in relationships and even more so during sex.

>>279928

>>279928
Well, yes. But also stories about just random weird people you used to know. Freaks you used to go to school with, weird co-workers, that kinda thing.

>>279931
A spastic with ADD that we used to bother all the time when I was about 9 that threw shitfits every single time. He once punched a teacher cross the chin, and she started crying.
To be fair, he went through hell in junior-low(if that's what you call 1st-3rd grade)
>>279930
She's really not that interesting. It's just that when she's not in a relationship she's one of those women's rights activist/equalist, which incidentally wants women to have better standards than men(per exemplar; the fem. who thought it'd be a good idea not to breast-feed her infant should it be male because they already get such a 'headstart') and then when she's in one she's almost like a 60's housewife.

Her sexual submissiveness is a little more interesting since it involves around rather extreme fetishes(being bound, pissed on, etc.) while she still claims to be the 'better person'. It's mostly just the irony I fancy.

>>279970
I'm getting kind of worried by all these people well into adulthood who actlike they're teenagers, still.

I posted this before on here but hey, why not?


When I was working as a maintenance worker at a local school back in the summer I was put into a group of 3 people wo were all younger than me (I'm 18, they were all 15) except for this one guy named Tyrion (not his real name). Nw me and him got along really well together, we were both huge fans of Game of Thrones, we both thought Drive and Miss bala were the best movies of the last 10 years, and we both were overall rather geeky types. (the good kind, in the beginning he was a cool guy.) Then one day we're out early and waiting at the train station, so he asks for my number if we could hang out and I give it to him because hey, he was cool back then. Just when we're about to board the train though his phone rings.

It was the My little Pony theme song.

Now I had never gotten why /cwc/ hated cheese conies as much as they did (hell even with all things done I still don't) so I was willing to play along, he was still the same guy right? wrong.

Next day we get a new guy, and never before in my life have I met somebody I hated as much as this guy. Allah created hell for guido wannabe black peices of shit like he was. (I'll call him tyrone like he so desperately wanted to be) So immediately he begins being the biggest dickhead I have ever met to me and Tyrion because Tyrion was a hopeless nerd and I was a girl who kinda liked him. So I start to hang with Tyrion even more, and he starts to get very,very weird. He stopped talking and acting like some happy go lucky redditor, and started turning into one of the guys from the coney Pizza hunt. Every time there was a break in conversation, he'd try and wrangle it back to MLP and say mindfuckey shit like "Hey Yas, you'd make a good filly" or "Come on, one episode and you'll be hooked!". After that I quit. I couldn't take tyrone the nigger wannabe being a lazy walking sexual harassment suit or my former friend turned into an awkward stereotype.


Even after all that I still have Tyrion's facebook page, and I'm slowly watching him mentally crumble and feeling helpless about it.

>>279980

>fucking yasmin

>"Hey Yas, you'd make a good filly"
ಠ_ಠ

>>280035

That was my reaction. Truly a sordid tale if there ever was one

This thread will be repeats or made up stories 4 irl lolcow threads is enough

>>280105
Well we might get another Sheridan out of it

Well, I guess it's time to talk about that guy. I'm gonna call him Rupert. Rupert was a little socially retarded at first, when you saw him from afar. But when you approached him, the smell of human feces and awkwardness kicked in at full force.

He was fat and smelled like a cocktail of shit, sweat and Cheetos. Rupert was kinda fat, not obese but fat. His face was sweaty at all times and looked bloated, the skin tight, and the teeth showing even if he wasn't smiling. He had that permanent tard smile on him.

Now let's get to Rupert's shenanigans. One halloween he came to school in a full body lego outfit (that could only be undone by a zipper on his back). Since nobody wanted to unzip him, not even the teachers, he went to the bathroom to cry and shit his pants. I believe he was 16 at the time.

One of my favorite stories is from a PE class. He went to the bathroom in the middle of the class, and when we were getting changed later we all saw how he had intentionally left a string of toilet paper folded in his pants like a makeshift diaper. And it wasn't clean.

But the most hilarious story was from a football game. He was the goalkeeper, and after miraculously stopping a goal the ball flew high in the sky, straight up. He looked up turning in circles, cartoon-style, until the ball fell right on his forehead. Effectively scoring a goal, yes. After that he sat on the grass and cried (remember all this happened when he was 15-16), in front of all the school's stadium worth of students and parents. He kept sobbing the whole match.

I miss Rupert.

>>280127
>Britfags

>>280137

Spanish, actually.

>>279980
>maintenance worker

>cleaning wench

>>279970
>She also cleanses places of 'entities'
When there's something strange, and it don't look good, who you gonna call?

Guy who used to be a friend of mine is on the road to lolcowdom. He'll probably never progress to internet-level lolcow, but he does a pretty good job of making everyone at the dorm hate him.

>>280118

>Well we might get another Sheridan out of it

And in turn we might get another Ari and Bird out of that.

>>280253
How's Grande Prairie, Alberta?

>>280283
yeah, that poster doesnt know how google works

>>280286
>says "I retracted it to protect her more than me, but feel free to show off your epin ween googling skills."
>is really hyperventilating because he was THIS CLOSE TO BEING DOXED PEOPLE

>>280286
redacted, the word is redacted

and you want to protect someone who got off with murdering a baby?

>>280286
Any part of that article can be googled and found not just her last name (Milne)

>>280253

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FathersRightsNetwork-International/message/1427

>>280300
That article is really janky

http://www.canadiancrc.com/articles/Mother%20abandons%20baby%20edmonton_sun.htm

oh wow

http://www.facebook.com/sabrina.peters.56863

>>280306
I thought you said her hair was short!

>>279928
Being submissive during sex doesn't make you less powerful in the relationship. In fact it's usually the other way around. The billion dollar wall street lawyers, they are the ones who like to be dominated in bed, not their janitors who make 7.50 an hour.
People who don't feel in control generally want to be dominant in bed.

Back in Highschool there was this kid we nicknamed Leaflet. I've already talked about him in one of these threads but i'm pretty sure that never got archived.

You know how when you thought someone was being smug, you said they think their shit doesn't stink? Leaflet really thought that.

Leaflet was a hardcore new age hippie vegan, he was really skinny, had a lot of acne and a ponytail. He believed that the natural odor of shit was "toxins and chemicals" releasing from the fecal matter, and that if you had a perfect organic vegan diet like him, your poop didn't smell funny.

Whenever someone would get up to use the bathroom, Leaflet would ask for permission to go to, then he would follow them, wait for them to finish, and if he smelled something bad he'd chastise you for your "unhealthy diet." Everybody knew he was doing this, but the teacher didn't give a shit.

This came to a halt after he followed a girl into the bathroom and did it to her. He was suspended for six days, and the teacher was too. The teacher tried to get out of it by saying he thought what Leaflet was doing was an "spastic ritual" and he didn't want to disturb him, but the school board didn't buy it. Likely because Leaflet was never diagnosed with spasm.

He was also a big believer in snake oil, he owned that Kevin Trudeau book and would peddle it like it was an extension of the bible. He detested doctors and if he thought anyone at school was sick, he'd peddle his fake cures to them.

There was this one kid, Phillip (i wrote all about him in a previous thread that WAS archived) who had cerebral palsy. Leaflet told him to sleep with a magnet under his bed and it would cure his CP, when it obviously didn't, Phillip tossed the magnet at his head the next day (not very hard mind you, because y'know, CP.)

This other chick, Jill, she had a really bad stomach flu, Leaflet told her to start drinking something called "Kombucha." Apparently it was supposed to treat her flu AND make her healthier. Well, it turns out "Kombucha" is just a fancy word for fermented tea, Jill ended up having to get her stomach pumped. Leaflet's response? "YOU WENT TO A DOCTOR?!"

Eventually, everybody got sick of his witch doctor bullshit, so a bunch of kids decided to bet him $10 each to smell his own shit. Leaflet agreed to it - he stuck his head in, took a big whiff, got up and gagged, gasped in horror, and ran out of the bathroom crying. He stayed pretty quiet after that.

>>280378

Anytime I encounter people like that, I direct them to this site: www.quackwatch.org

One of my friends wanted to check out a coney meet up. I like lolcows, so I was pretty happy to go.

In short, when we arrive we find the most hilariously inept homosexual deviants either of us have ever met. This group of about a dozen gangly teenagers sing the main theme song in front of a crowded conference hall, then have a sit around on the floor talking about how much they love Rainbow Dash. Neither myself or my friend have the stomach to join them.

Finally, one 20 something Neo-wannabe is picked up by his mother. You know that picture of the furry posing with his parents? It was just like that. She says "So son, you doing more of that pony porn with these people?"

And he says back "NO MOM, IT'S DIFFERENT THIS TIME!" and runs off.

They left. We left too. He had to carry me out since I was in stitches at this point.

Last time we had an IRL lolcows thread, didn't the Sheridan Saga begin? God, that was hilarious.

http://789chan.org/L/res/37314.html

tl;dr-Kid tries to get 789chan to PA some sperg he knows, winds up doxing himself and entire circle of friends.

>>280439
>Willingly attending a coney meetup

I think we know the true lolcow in your story.

I posted here before about my coke using, nympho/kleptomaniac cousin. Update. Calling her Linda for simplicity.

After the way her parents wasted their money, she's had to stop buying cocaine and now she eats fire lighters to try to keep her figure.

And here's the big one. Her older sister (call her Sarah) had a boyfriend. And Linda took a shine to him. Sarah and John have been going out for about 8-9 years. Linda has been trying to get him to herself the whole time. Sarah refuses to leave him alone with her, or even travel in the same car. No way he cheated, Linda would have been rubbing it in everyone's face if he had, but two attractive girls fighting over him? No doubt he was stirring the pot.

A few weeks back, Sarah announced they were engaged and were going to get married in the near future. Linda was told she was not welcome at the wedding. Linda then threw a shitfit, breaking windows, smashing ornaments, she had to be locked in the room until she stopped. She screamed pretty much continuously for about 45 minutes, smashing stuff all the while. She's 23, by the way. Neurotypical, no real emotional problems, just spoiled as hell.

>>280439
>my friends

>>280452
>winds up doxing himself and entire circle of friends.

Except Zoe. I really want to see Zoe and that worries me.

>>280511

Have fun, anon!

>>280628
I approve of the shirt.

>>280628
Holy shit...Zoe was a CAT!?

>>280639
Mate that pussy

>>280628

Oh.

Well that's a disappointment.

>>280439
Talking about cheese conies I just want to link to this picture (Nudity warning), I don't really know why anyone would go out in public like this or why everyone is so nonchalant (Also note how the face looks like Chris) - http://imageshack.us/a/img822/1760/1350364723478.jpg

>>280651
Uh... What place just lets people walk around nude? Wouldn't it be illegal for her to go outside in public like that?

>>280652
I don't know I saw the picture on /b/ yesterday and I have been confused about it ever since.

There weren't any back story provided and nobody in the photo seems even remotely interested there is a nude woman painted bright blue with a rainbow wig.

  The whole coney thing is still mind boggling to me. I think it's their seeming lack of self awareness that gets me. Like, were I to see Chris walking around in his clown shirts and medallion, I'd probably not think too much of it, assuming the person is retarded. But these fucking cheese conies, there are a lot of them and I'm under the impression that the majority of them aren't retarded. It's that feeling of embarrassment for someone too stupid or unaware to realize exactly how retarded they look. It's painful to look at. I suppose their numbers allow for them to support and enable one another in their homosexual deviantry. On the one hand, it seems like they'd pretty much have to be spastic to some degree, but then they all seem to be pretty social. I don't get it.

I've got one. Back when I was in secondary school, I met this girl. Cute, bit weird, very endearing. Then she started going out with my best friend and that was that. I wasn't in love with her, but she was cute, I would've tried to hook up but she's with my friend, that's it.

Their relationship went very bad. Then she claimed to be pregnant with his child to try to keep him, then said her stepdad beat her so badly she lost the child. There was a whole bunch of other stuff, it was really messed up.

Fast forward to a few years back, three years after school and in the final year of college. She contacts me on facebook, out of the blue, and asks if I want to meet up. I do, she seems okay, says something about "you're the Edward to my Bella." This is just prior to Twilight really kicking in, I didn't have a clue what she meant.

Then she started sending me nudes. Followed by pictures of her knife collection.

Then she unfriended me, for no reason. I breathed a sigh of relief and thought no more of it. This year, I started working in the library of a pretty big city. A few months in, I was working the desk, looking for a book, when I heard "IS THAT YOU, ANON? IT IS! OVER HERE! HI! IT'S ME!"

She is now an absolute beauty. I mean, a nine, easily. She asks if I want to meet up on my lunch break, and I stupidly say yes.

>>280672

So we go to lunch, it's fine, nothing weird, until some Polish people pass by. And she just goes ice cold. She fucking hates Polish people. Apparently they set up World War 2 by tricking Germany, she had this whole nonsensical bit about it.

Then I found out she had legally changed her name to this really weird German name. She thought she was descended from German royalty and they spoke to her about different things. Usually stupid stuff, nothing too major. She then told me she had been diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic, but it was all some plot to try to control her and stop her taking the German throne. She said I was the only one she trusted with this information.

And she would come to visit me at work. She was harmless, just odd. She told me she had gotten rid of the knife collection, so I thought I was okay to hang out with her. Then she got into Fifty Shades and started sharing what her ancestors had been telling her about me. That I was tortured, dark soul that needed a good woman to save him, so she had decided to take it upon herself to find one for me, or to save me herself.

I started avoiding her after that, saying I was needed in other parts of the library or was on an early break or whatever. I managed to avoid her most days, but she'd catch me a few times. She stopped talking about saving me, so I didn't bring it up again.

>>280676

While all this is going on, some friends suggest we head away for a three day weekend, just some guys camping, fishing, drinking, no women or technological distractions.

I came back after the three days to find about thirty emails from other friends, absolutely frantic about my suicide threats.

She had hacked my faceook and tumblr and posted a whole fuckton of stuff about the gathering darkness, the blood in my veins, deviant sex, a metric ton of gore and this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLRBb8jf7PY

I asked her why, and she said she was testing my friends to see if any one of them might be the one to save me. She settled on one friend, a girl in Canada who I met through a college exchange program. But she can't decide if the Canadian is the girl to save me or the one to save me from, so she sent really fucked up messages to her about me, trying to gauge her response. This is a girl who lives a few thousand miles away, by the way. The odds of me ever meeting her again are slim, but now she's getting hassled by a paranoid schizophrenic just because she got a little concerned when my facebook lit up with gore.

I told her we couldn't be friends anymore, not until she started to get help for her problems. I thought I could help, that's why I stayed for so long, but I'm not a doctor.

Didn't see her again for a few weeks. I got a really nasty flu, I had to skip work for a few days. While I was out, she came in looking for me, and when my co-workers refused to give her my contact details or home address, she had a bit of a meltdown and had to be restrained by three security guards.

Last I heard she had left the city to head to Germany, don't know what happened to her.

>>280681
And you didn't even hit it?

>>280681

>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLRBb8jf7PY

Oh god, I did not need reminding of the ninja turtle sex museum.

>>280682

Ancient wisdom: Don't stick your dick in crazy.

>>280687
>not having sex with crazy woman then having her committed

Do you even lift?

Reminds me of a friend I still have. We'll call him "Dave". Dave is basically Chris, if Chris were a gangster wanna-be. Dave draws his own comic series, with art slightly a pretty cool guy, where he takes revenge on his foes, both real and imagined. He has no sense of what is and is not acceptable to say in public, and will often loudly vocalize his thoughts. He says "butt-rapist" "dick" and "homosexual deviant" a lot, and in mixed company too. He's got this weird imagined relationship with one of his friends, even though she's not interested. And of course, no one calls him on his bullshit, because he's got Aspergers. But at least unlike Chris, he has a job. And no criminal record. Yet.

Quite frankly, I'm shocked he hasn't become internet famous yet

>>281408
Is his last name "Gonterman" by any chance?

>>281413
No, sorry. He lives in Saint Louis County, if that helps any

>>281430

I know Gonterman's from the shitty city in Missouri also.

>>281469
I live in Saint Louis county as well.

Here's an example of one of his drawings

>>280697
Another guy here,

Seriously, don't stick your dick in a crazy chick.

It's easy to do but it never ends well. You're much better off with internet porn till you meet a not crazy chick.

>>281481

Judging by the hat's colors, he must be a Chiefs fan. Well, no wonder why he looks angsty.

>>281489
He only really follows baseball, IIRC. He doesn't talk sports much.

>>281489
I live in Kansas City and don't know many Chiefs fans right now. At least not ones who are real open about it.

>>281495

They're just waiting for the son of the great Lamar Hunt to live up to his legacy and/or fire Romeo Crennel and Scott Pioli.

>>281481
That art style looks awfully familiar...BlazeSonic?

>>281500
Nope. Good guess though

>>281500
Looks like Van Gogh's 2011 Anime Fagg­ot Period

how does one tell if they are an IRL lulcow?

>>281526

By asking that question.

>>281524
What about this?

>>281524
He can't draw black people well either

>>281546
Did a little Background check:
http://www.whitepages.com/name/Kevin-P-Cardinale/Ballwin-MO/5dcqfb9

Kevin P Cardinale

803 Westwood Dr
Ballwin, MO 63011-2421

http://www.ssdmo.org/rotate_features/zanders_2011/Cardinale.htm
http://www.facebook.com/TheHeroOfCommonsvilleTGLB
http://www.facebook.com/KiNGkCHzDwG09TGLB3123
https://plus.google.com/116709204651335672938/posts
http://www.facebook.com/chzdwgworld.comicscentral
https://twitter.com/SirChzDwg09
http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/kevin-cardinale/jeannecardinale/nonprofit

  >>281549

>>281549
That was freaking quick

Yep. That's him

>>281549
One of our mutual friends introduced him to Chris Chan. He had the audacity to claim he was far better and nothing like him loudly when this person, who we'll call "Bill" brought it up

>>281556

May the saga of Chris-chan continue.

Minor update on crazy German lady, she's trying to join the US Marine Corps.

She's not a US citizen. Is that doable? Should I be worried?

>>281679
You can join the military without being a US citizen (it's actually a fairly easy path to citizenship as the military helps you with it).

That said, the Marines are very strict in their recruiting qualifications, so she probably wouldn't even get taken.

There's always the Coast Guard.

>>281679
Did you not hear Obamas path to citizenship plan?

>fanfiction general

>>281692

Not American.

>>281680

Is there a psych eval or something? Because I wouldn't trust her to wash a car, never mind strip and clean a GPMG.

>>281698
They give you a long ass questionnaire about your medical history and it asks about everything from broken bones to allergies to the time you had a cold. It's basically "have you ever..." then you fill in a space for yes or no and if you wrote yes you have to explain it. So it'd be easy to cheat.

I was sitting at a local burger chain in boston called b good burger, when a bunch of kids came in dressed as what I'm guessing were homestuck characters given they were wearing those dumbass horns.
They were loud and obnoxious and from what I understood ordered their food using the names of the fucking characters they were dressed up as.
The girl working the register just looked severely creeped out, and it was almost embarrassing just to be around these kids.

>>281702
They make for some good awkward photos.

Not a strict lolcow story, but I'll tell anyway. I saw two brothers (as in same parents, not black people) wearing fedoras at the library. Of course, lIke any less than suave sperg, they were wearing street clothes. They were running around the library while their parents ignored them while they looked at Facebook. So, the cause, symptom and effect of IRL lolcowdom all in one fell swoop. Seriously, go to a public library if you want to see lolcows.

>>281709
>(as in same parents, not black people)
I don't know why, but I lost my shit my shit when I read this.

>>281709
>Seriously, go to a public library if you want to see lolcows.

I worked in a library, I can confirm this.

>>281724

Got any stories?

>>281724
I demand examples.

>>281727
So there was this homosexual deviant named Sheridan...

I've been debating whether to bother posting this for a few reasons. Mainly because he's not so much a lolcow as he is just cringe worthy. Some of his antics and jijinks are pretty funny but nothing on the level of Chris or Rob. Essentially he's a slightly less japanophile male PT.

Long story short we met him online years back on some dbz/spriting forum and he came down to our city for a few birthdays. Being dumbshit kids we found his "HAHAHA IM GAY DESU XD" antics funny for a while, but obviously as we grew up they became stale and stupid. We tried to distance ourselves from him and that's when he started to invite himself down for birthdays.

In late 2010/early 2011 one of us got a call from him. He'd apparantly been "trapped" by a girl online pretending to be 18 when she was 14 and her mother got the police involved, while this was kind of funny we did feel a little bad for him. He'd get the shit kicked out of him in prison and we're not monsters. What came next is what really elevated him to a laughing stock. Obviously the police took his PC and shit to check for cp and although they found none and he was cleared of his soliciting shit, they did find copious amounts of bestiality porn. I'm talking in excess of 200 images. So he went to court for it, got ripped to shit by a judge and told he could never go online again.

Obviously after this we tried to cease contact completely, but sure enough he turned up for another birthday. We went to a quite big Indie club in the city and he came, donning his naruto hoody. In a club full of people wearing shirts and shit, he was wearing some dirty ill fitting hoody with a naruto character on the back.

We tried to get rid of him by getting one of our mates to act like he wanted to get with him, which produced the mother of all cocks from him. Basically he slept with a guy who he "thought was a girl" who looked not too dissimilar to old robbo and when questioned on how he didn't realise he claimed it was dark.

Pic related, it's his naruto hoody.

>>283046
Beastiality porn is illegal? I mean, beastiality is fucked up, but I didn't think courts gave enough of a shit to prosecute over it.

Also, way to trick a retard into having sex with a guy. Did you yell JULLAYY and throw him off a bridge?

>>283116
It is in England.
You misunderstand my post (my fault) It was after our friend came onto him that he revealed his story about sleeping with the man he thought was a girl, it wasn't our friend. Sorry for any confusion!!

>>283116
Prosecutors do give a shit about bestiality, but I'm not sure if they would go after bestiality porn if that's the only offense they are investigating. In England they do, apparently.

http://www.kpho.com/story/19856113/az-man-pled-guilty-in-craigslist-bestiality-case

http://www.sunderlandecho.com/news/crime/pervert-pensioner-s-noah-s-ark-of-animal-porn-1-5012938

I know a guy who, with a straight face, tells everyone that he wants to "remake" Sonichu. I'm not talking about a parody: He honestly thinks that Chris's comic is shitty and dumb, but would be incredibly awesome if he wrote and drew it.

He tells this to anyone with a passing interest in art or comics. He's lucky I knew what the fuck Sonichu is, or literally everyone he tells about this would be confused.

>>283582
That's already been done: http://gabmonteiro9389.deviantart.com/

>>281430
Fuck... so do I... Now I've got to meet him.

>>283585
No, you don't understand. He draws them at human height, gives them clothes and everything.

Chris isn't in his story, which at first seems like a good thing, until it dawns on you that it means he is trying to fully realize the epic proportions of the idea of coloring Sonic yellow and giving him a lightning tail.

Anyone have experiences with spergs who believe they are secret agents/supersoldiers or some shit?

I knew one like that back in high school. It was a surreal experience to say the least. What are your guys' experiences with this type of sperg? I just want to compare mine to your guys'.

Also, why do they do this?

>>283599
I used to work for a company that cared for spastic adults. There was one old man who walked around with a camera, and a wallet full of pictures. He told everyone he was a CIA agent, a spy, an astronaut and an FBI investigator. He'd also rifle through the pictures he'd taken in his wallet, and whichever girl he felt was prettiest, he would state was his wife. He wasn't an asshole or anything though, he was one of the clients everybody liked working with. Very happy and easy to work with compared to others.

>>283613
My girlfriend works in the psychiatric ward of an retirement home. One guy is a chronic masturbater. When asked to stop he asks for a sock in return.

>>283675
Wow...

About a week ago I was at a Rainforest cafe and there was this kid who looked about 14 or 15 and he was dressed like the hamburglar. He would run around the table flapping his arms and then stare at an animatronic gorilla and move his arms back and forth in a spastic motion. I was on my way out a bit later and he was staring at some fish with his head sideways and was murmuring something.

>>283613
Interesting. The guy I knew was a complete asshole who would threaten to have you eliminated by his army if you didn't let him get his way.

>>283813
Sounds like he is a well adjusted citizen...

>>283813
>dressed like the Hamburglar

I lol'd.

I had a Facebook conversation with a guy I went to school with and it ended with him saying that the school we go to is a Communist institution and that I'm a Communist who should convert to Christianity and worship Glenn Beck.

I'm voting for Romney, BTW. I only say that to prove how delusional he is.

>>283852
>>283599
This sounds like an awesome story. Please enlighten us about this sperg.

>>283962
>sperg who thinks Mitt Romney voters are too leftist
It... it hurts to know there are people out there who think that.

>>283982
Well, he's not an actual conservative, just a corporate whore. The conservatives you see in the republican party aren't all that financially conservative. There is a difference, you know? Sorry for the politisperg, but a lot of younger people who say that they're on the leftists, do so because they think that conservatives are evil. All politicians are inherently evil. There are no lefties or right wingers in our political system, just morally corrupt opportunists.

>>283962
Why would you vote for Romney? He's anti-woman and anti-gay.

My friend who I've known for like 3 years has a brother named Johnathan about 17 or 18 with a star wars obsession. He likes to tell me about his erotic dreams featuring him Padme and Anakin in a bath together. He hates Harry Potter and Pokemon with a passion saying it's unchristian with satanic messages. He also has a large assortment of bionicle and lego star wars. And I remember he said for a long time he was an alien experiment created in a lab and then brought to earth and then eventually when the time is right he would leave earth. He drew a number of poorly drawn magic marker pictures of himself as a dragon. Alot more friggin insane shit about him to.

Back in 2008, I went to a summer camp for kids with ADHD, Asperger's and various learning disabilities. There was this kid in my cabin who had AS and was the scapegoat for the rest of the cabin due to his annoying behavior. He would say "Epic fail!" 900 times a day (this was back when it was actually "in" to say that), tell inside jokes that he wasn't a part of to various people, and was obsessed with video games. He had this Nintendo DS that he would play during free time and this kid wanted to play it, and would ask him repeatedly (over a course of days) if he could play. Initially, he would freak out about how he needed to beat Wart in Super Mario Bros. 2 Advance, and when he did so, the kid asked to play again. He screeched "NO! I HAVE TO REPLAY THE ENTIRE GAME AND FIND ALL THE HIDDEN YOSHI EGGS!!!!1" This was the last straw, and the counselor confiscated his DS for the rest of the summer.

I looked him up online afterwards, and it turns out that he makes Sparta remixes on YouTube and has like 1000 subscribers or something. Oh, and did I mention that he's a coney?

>>283852
I knew a guy like that. He claimed to be a German commander sent to Canada for the purposes of directing an army through Ontario and into the US. Keep in mind that he was 17 and I was 20. He took German at school and barely passed, because he had 'mental language blocks' placed in him by German commanders to make him less suspicious. He also dyed his hair black, even though it was dark brown. According to him, it was blond and he had to pretend to not be an Ubermench.

When I told someone else that I was gay, he said that I was one of the 'redeemable homos' who God made in order to adopt little girls so that they wouldn't be taken by the Indians and taught to be sex slaves. He also offered to have one of his most straight soldiers come to my house and 'stick it in your bumbum.' He would explain exactly what the soldier would do and how I would girlishly moan, so I shut him down ASAP after the first time.
(I have a feeling that if I ever accepted, it would have been him wearing a mask or something.)

>>284266

It sounds like all of his spergy delusions were actually part of an elaborate plan to have sex with you. It's a lucky thing you didn't fall for his clever ruse.

I knew a guy, Mike. Bit odd, always needed to fight against, constantly going out of his way to get people to tell him where to go so he could shout that he was being picked on.

In PE, he asked to go to the bathroom. Nothing weird about that.

He was found in the girls bathroom, shirt off, staring at himself (and his ripped abs, no doubt) in the mirror, jacking off into the sink.

>>284266
Holy shit. The guy I knew was obsessed with Nazi shit as well. Except his hair was actually blond.

Don't you dare insult the Tiger tank while he's within earshot.

>>284344
Oh yeah, he also claimed to be bi at one time.

>>284025
>summer camp for kids with ADHD, Asperger's and various learning disabilities.

>There was this kid in my cabin who had AS and was the scapegoat for the rest of the cabin due to his annoying behavior.

>He would say "Epic fail!" 900 times a day

>obsessed with video games.

>Nintendo DS

>Initially, he would freak out about how he needed to beat Wart in Super Mario Bros. 2 Advance, and when he did so, the kid asked to play again. He screeched "NO! I HAVE TO REPLAY THE ENTIRE GAME AND FIND ALL THE HIDDEN YOSHI EGGS!!!!1"

>he makes Sparta remixes on YouTube




>Oh, and did I mention that he's a coney?

Do you really need to?

>>284382
I guess it was kinda obvious, wasn't it? The counselors hated him too. There was a time when me, him and one of our counselors was outside the cabin. The cabin name was written on the window of the cabin, and he had written "(cabin name) rules!" below it without permission. The counselor was fucking pissed. The counselor asks him, "Why did you do this?". Stupidly, he replies "Because I felt like it." The counselor says "Oh yeah?" and proceeds to PUNCH HIM IN THE STOMACH. "I felt like doing that, does that make it right?" "No..." the kid replies, in tears. It was fucking hilarious, and it probably only happened because I was the only other kid there, and I was known for being reserved.

>>284483
I wish my tales of camp abuse were this funny!

Mine are just dark. So very, very dark. Sometimes I dream about hands, reaching...no, it's gone again.

>>284483
Wow, that's funny. Got any more stories of this particular camper?

>>284542
Well, there was this one time when the dining hall was serving pirogi for lunch. There were only like 10 pirogi and 12 people (9 campers, 3 counselors, so there was not enough) and the kid decides it would be best if he took 3 pirogi for himself. The other kids were pissed as fuck. However, the joke was on him, though, because this action caused him to have to rush to the bathroom 20 minutes into the lunch period and spend 2 hours shitting.

Also, he was a member of this forum that was dedicated to hacking Super Mario World, and he talked about it incessantly, even threatening someone during a game of baseball with the phrase "I BELONG TO AN INTERNET FORUM!" He would also talk about Kirby alot (the predecessor of MLP in terms of girly, childish fandoms).

Also, this kid showed him how to make a hemp bracelet. He immediately began showing it off to girls, saying "Don't you like my hemp bracelet?" and the kid who showed him how to make it was embarassed as fuck. It was hilarious.

I'll write more when I remember more stories.

>>284345
I happen to know a blonde nazi-obsessed
bisexual as well. wat

I doubt she was very spastic. However. Had exactly one set of clothes (jeans, flanel shirt and jean jacket), and wore an iron cross on her neck. Loathed niggers. Like, really, really much. Socially awkward, couldn't keep a conversation alive at all. Extremely gullible, and at the same time very reserved. Random Access Humor, but luckily not very often. I guess she did have friends, but often opted to play with her little brother instead. Obvious and confessed virgin.

Wish I had a funnier story to tell. To make a long story short, I once sold her ecstasy because I was thinking with my dick and I needed cash, two birds with one stone. Later she told me she'd quit using drugs. Even later heard the reason: she had let a sand nigger kiss her while high...hhah...

>>284483

>abuse of the mentally handicapped is hilarious

HI A-LOG

I remember when I was in 4th or 5th grade there was this one kid with a slight overbite who wore glasses with lenses that had to be an inch thick. He would constantly get lost in his private fantasy worlds at recess, which doesn't by itself seem unusual, but he'd only find absolute immersion playing alone and appeared to run more than one game in his head at once. He would try to force his voice to a low pitch and whine at you to leave if you tried to join him.

I recall that he was obsessed with robots and being all-powerful. Once when the school was trying to come up with neutral, neutered concepts for a "Holiday Play", he raised his hand during a classroom discussion about it and said something like, "Let's do the Greatest Story Ever Told which is about Jesus but I GET TO BE GOD!" He offered like 3 more Biblical examples, told each time that it couldn't be a religious theme, and made sure that everyone was clear that the play could only happen if he were God.

Then I remember one occasion where he did try to play with other kids. My friends and I were into Pokemon like the rest of our generation at the time and would have make-believe games based on it at recess, and one day this kid came over and said, "I'm gonna play now but I get to be a ROBOT that has ALL OF THE POKEMON, period!"

I think the best story is that one time I found him using an irregular chunk of wood to dig away at the dirt and gravel encasing a partially-exposed drainpipe between the playground and the sports field. When I asked him what he was doing he, he stared at me like I was an imbecile and hissed, "I have to dig up this enemy ship or my master will have my soul." I offered to help, and he ran to the teacher complaining that I had hit him (I didn't get into trouble, because this was one of his regular lies he told to try to get teachers to force other students to give him a privacy bubble). The teachers apparently told him that what he was doing with the pipe and the wood wasn't allowed and he flew into a tard rage. I heard squealing around the corner of the school, and sure enough turning said corner I saw the kid in question being dragged up steps by two teachers without his pants on sobbing and screaming, "I'M A ROBOT! I'M A ROOOOOOOBOOOOOOOT!!!"

I almost threw up I was laughing so hard.

>>284591

>"I'M A ROBOT! I'M A ROOOOOOOBOOOOOOOT!!!"

the fifth grade was a hard time for homor

>>284590
He had a normal IQ.

>>284603

I laughed way too hard

>>284591
he sounds like a pretty fun guy

My sophomore year in college I was sharing a four-bedroom suite, and one of my roomates had a few nerd habits. He was big into "retro-gaming", wrote fanfiction for cartoons and Warhammer 40k, and would sing anime theme songs out loud. He wasn't really annoying, though, so I didn't have any problem signing a permission slip for his girlfriend to spend the night one weekend.

This girl was just bothersome. She was husky and run her hands over her body folds while relaxing. She insisted on taking conversations down obscure nerd forks despite being reassured that nobody knew anything about Doctor Who or the movies being reviewed by lesser thatguywiththeglasses spergs. Weirdest of all, she would make an animal noise in response to stimuli or speech that she thought befit whatever prompted her. I cringed when she "nyan"ed while stretching out on the sofa, but it went beyond that into chattering like a squirrel if she thought a joke was funny or just saying, "Squak, motherfucker! Like an eagle!" when one of my other roommates discussed his mediocre rock-climbing experience.

The killer event occurred in the middle of the night she was staying, though. I woke up to use the restroom nearest my bedroom, when I noticed the light was on. I heard the girlfriend panting for a few seconds before saying just barely under her breath, "Ugh yeah! That deserves and elephant!" She then made a strange sound that I think was supposed to resemble an elephant trumpeting, but it resembled a wet fart instead. I approached the door only to be met by this girl stumbling out into the hallway completely naked and sighing with a fucking toothbrush poking out of her labia. She noticed me and took on the expression of a deer caught in headlights, squeaked out a, "Fuck, sorry!" and ran into her boyfriend's room on the other side of the hallway. I'm fairly sure she was using the restroom on my side of the suite because the one on her boyfriend's wasn't very tidy.

So I walk into the restroom shaking my head and just wanting to take a leak before going back to bed, but then I see her masturbation material scattered around the toilet. Fucking Care Bears coloring books that looked like they were bought from the grocery store. Mixed in with the two books there was personal artwork of what I could only assume were this girl and my roommate in Care Bear form given that the bears were wearing glasses resembling theirs.

Thank God that was the only time she wanted to spend the night.

>>284784

Fucking hell. I think I just vomited a little in my mouth.

>>284784
Das' hawt.

>>284784
I must find this woman and make her my queen.

Shannon is 18 years old and is obsessed with children's shows. She screams in school at no one, talks to herself, cries, etc. Dresses like a two year old. Is a general devianTARD.

>>284830

In the middle...Oh My God! Look at that Face?

>>284784

Can you provide a follow-up? This girl sounds unusually surreal, even for an spast.

Of course I can. And for other art, her deviantart account is eMr. Robert Wayne Stilesrbarker.
Shannon has always been weird, ever since Freshman year. She told a girl since she was a ginger and left handed that she would've been executed in Salem. She said that 'The Holocaust couldn't have been that bad' in the same class. Thought the Nuremburg Laws were about artists (since she views herself as a repressed artist).
She thinks she can sing, draw, and write amazingly. I think that picture proves she's delusional. Freshman year she thought she'd get into Julliard or something.
Sophomore year she was elected to Homecoming Court as a joke and thought everyone was serious and liked her. It's now senior year and she's never figured out it was a joke.
Cried when we read Macbeth sophomore year, because she felt sorry for him.
Got into fanfiction drama and cried over it. Said her life was so hard (this girl lives in a multi-million dollar mansion and never has to worry about money). Said her parents were sooooooo mean. Typical teenage bullshit.
Junior year and she gets a boyfriend. We go to a Catholic high school so there are priests that do confession and one time she cried (literally sobbing) because she said she did 'everything but sex with her boyfriend'. Girl didn't know what a blowjob was in sophomore year, so I'm pretty sure they made out and she panicked. Also cried at theatre when she couldn't get the spotlight right. Director yelled at her.
Now it is senior year. Her fashion sense has gone from 'mentally challenged eight grader' to 'two year old'. She is obsessed with the Muppets, Smurffs, and The Lorax (that new movie that came out). In religion she talks to herself constantly. Came in to class one day with 2 minutes to spare and started screaming to no one about her sister. Then, when someone asked her what was wrong, she started screaming at them and people who told her to calm down. Yells at the other kids in our class when we're not quiet. Laughs to herself in class. Cries frequently for no reason. Literally no reason. English teacher has to yell at her to stop talking when she answers a question in class. During our Homecoming pep rally screamed 'I volunteer as tribute' to go up for one of the games. Didn't know how to dance to Mercy by Kanye West and was the first out of the game. Asked the most popular guy in our grade to Homecoming and thought he meant it when he said yes. He never touched her or took pictures with her. Still doesn't know it was a joke.
Tries to convert me since I am an atheist and tries to convert anyone she knows isn't her brand of Catholic.
That's Shannon.

e.r.i.k.a rbarker (minus the space and periods).

Bump.

>>284906
wait, is this supposed to be connected to the story about the girl who fucked herself with a toothbrush to coloring books, or were you responding to someone else?

>>284906
That has to be the wrong deviantart. That one belongs to a decent photographer with no apparent interest in weird fandoms. Also, if her name is Shannon, why would her account be under Er.ika?

I knew a guy in high school, we'll call him Ron, I guess. I really felt sorry for him because he had no friends, so I hung out with him for a while. Talking with Ron was a surreal experience. For one, he insisted upon calling me "Zerg" instead of my real name. Also, Ron had the impression that he was born to be a famous rap music star and that the world revolved around rap music. He thought debates in congress were resolved by rap battles. Business merger? Rap battle. UN peace accord? He seriously told me that Kofi Annon was a world class rap battler. I often wondered if we even lived in the same world.

Ron had the insane delusion that he had the ability to glynch, a superpower from an obscure show called "Galidor" that no one remembers except Ron, who practically worshipped it. This meant Ron thought he could flex and grunt like he was constipated to transform his body parts into other body parts. Most of the time he would make his wrist into a little hook and tell everyone it was a mantis claw. I once told him to glynch wings and try to fly off the gym balcony, but he didn't go for it. He told me he needed more mana to do that.

Speaking of mana, Ron did not actually play Magic: The Gathering, but kept track of it anyway for some reason. Really, he played Yu-Gi-Oh but no one would play with him because our school liked Magic. He said he would play if Magic had an anime, though. Like Chris, he made his own cards, and they were all hideously overpowered. Most of them were rappers and scantily clad women.

Ron was eventually expelled when he got in a fight with the one French Canadian guy in the whole school, Jean. Ron claimed he was strong and could glynch to somehow beat Jean in an armwrestling contest. Ron, being a skinny psychopathic nerd, was defeated effortlessly, so as vengeance, he started scratching up Jean's face like a rabid weasel. Jean got pissed and punched him in the face. Ron fell down and cried himself to sleep right in the middle of class. The teacher was out smoking the whole time, but Ron still got in trouble. I never saw Ron again after that, so he was probably expelled (our principal had a low tolerance for people who scratched or bit people) and Jean went unpunished, because he was cool that way, for as cool as french canadian can be, I guess...

>>283592
Some guy earlier doxxed him. Knock youself out

>>284906
The perspective in this one is something special.

Well, I have a story or two. Over the summer, I went to a camp called "Wellspring". Basically, it's a fat camp. It worked, as I lost over 60 pounds and am not within an acceptable weight.

But that is neither here nor there. We had a fun fellow, who's name is withheld to protect the spergy. We'll call him "Steve"

Firstly, I should mention that Steve was hispanic, and loved talking about his home ountry. But he would flip out at the slightest provocation. When he messed up, he flipped his shit and ran to the bathroom to punch the walls in there. He tried to grab people, including a 12 year old boy. Keep in mind, he's 16. There were also other camps sharing a campus with us, including a cheerleading one. He got angry at them, saying that they were whores and sluts. We complained to the counselors, who only stopped him when he threatened to "cut up the whores".
Several of the campers were adults and were thus allowed to stay up a bit later to talk. When he found out about this, he went crazy and yelled at the staff for an hour demanding they treat him like an adult. Not shockingly, this didn't win him any points.

>>284906
http://eMr. Robert Wayne Stilesrbarker.deviantart.com/

>>285001
Ah. Missed the middle initial. My bad.

>>285002
Gah, shit got wordbuttered.

>>285001
Oh, for the love of bad art, it's this ya dingus! http://eMr. Robert Wayne Stilesrbarker.deviantart.com/

>>285013
Fuck. Copied the wrong link.
http://eMr. Robert Wayne Stilesrbarker.deviantart.com/

>>285013
No, I think it's this. http://eMr. Robert Wayne Stilesrbarker.deviantart.com/

Even when he's not hear, Rob still finds a way to cause failure.

Forget it, just look for it on deviantART. The site's filter even screws up links that have Reekuh on the address.

>>285018
>>285014
>>285013
>>285001
I genuinely loled.

>>285093
>>285018
>>285014
>>285013
>>285001
>>285002

http://eri­karbarker.deviantart.com/

>>285000
is it true that people at fat camp hide candy bars everywhere like in the movie heavyweights with ben stiller

>>285000

>am not within an acceptable weight.

You lost 60 pounds and you're still not within an acceptable weight? How fat are you?

>>285139
Thank you.

Look at these skills god damn

>>285143
That was a typo. I am within one now

>>285140
Nope. But they did have to take away sharp implements from most of the young girls because they were trying to kill themselves

>>285315

Reminds me of Sonichu picking up Rosechu for the first time.

>>284857
>>284977

Okay, I got in touch with my old roommate and tried asking as politely and tactfully as possible about his girlfriend. I was upfront that I was using my knowledge of her in an online discussion forum about funny and creepy people, but made it just as clear that I didn't use their actual names. Thankfully, he informed me that they broke up about a year after that night because she was getting on his nerves and starting to let go of her mental filter in public. Apparently she felt no need to restrain herself in familiar company even if outside the private sphere.

He did have a couple of information bits, though. Firstly, the year they broke up she was rather petulant and sore about it even though she feigned being unperturbed and wanting to move on to new relationships. The crescendo came when the girl learned that my roommate had found someone else, and the three of them just so happened to share the same computer science gen ed class. She had gained more weight and acquired what my roommate called "fatitude" to go with it since they broke up, but before discovering my roommates new girlfriend never gave him any problems.

So on the last day of class, during the final exam, she was shooting dirty looks at the both of them whenever they looked up from their stations. The girl finished first, probably rushing and not giving a fuck about her performance, and walked over the door with a huff. Then, after shooting one final ice queen stare over at my roommate and his new girlfriend, she ripped out a huge, nasty fart that the whole room heard as an alternative to flipping them the bird. She then just casually walked away with the whole room staring dumbfounded.

8 months ago, my roommate saw her shopping at the same grocery store and ducked behind some shelves to avoid being seen. He saw that she had dyed her hair pink and blue in equal halves and was wearing a My Little Pony T-Shirt. Surprise, surprise, she's a "pegasister."

Other than that, no updates.

>>285407
My loins still ache for more Shannon.

>>284550
>He would also talk about Kirby alot (the predecessor of MLP in terms of girly, childish fandoms).

>>284550
What the hell's a pirogi?

>>285421
It's a slav ravioli. A poor man meal.It's full of rat meat and semen cheese.

>>285416
It's still pretty girly, dude.

>>279980
Wait,is your name Yasmine?
That would be so cool.